Embracing Consent: A Foundation for Ethical Spiritual Tending and Human Connection

Consent is often discussed in romantic or sexual relationships, but it's a spiritual, ethical, and relational practice. Consent is essential for honoring the sacred in every relationship, including spiritual direction. In this post, we explore how cultivating a culture of consent enriches spiritual companionship and affirms the wholeness of everyone we accompany.

As spiritual companions, understanding and embodying a culture of consent is not only a professional obligation but also a sacred duty that honors the autonomy and dignity of those we accompany.

only yes is yes text on black background, CC0 PickPik

Consent Matters in All Care Relationships

Consent is not a one-time agreement or limited to specific settings—it's the foundation of trust, dignity, and mutual respect. When we practice consent in all relationships, especially in roles where we hold space for others, we honor autonomy and avoid unconscious harm.

Consent in the Spiritual Direction Relationship

Spiritual direction is a sacred process. It invites one person to accompany another in exploring their relationship with the divine, themselves, and the world. This relationship is built on trust, respect, and mutual agreement. For that journey to be ethical and empowering, it must be grounded in explicit and ongoing consent.

As noted in the Spiritual Directors International Guidelines for Ethical Conduct, this means respecting seekers’ culture, conscience, and spiritual language—and co-creating an experience that centers their agency. This respect is manifested through explicit consent, ensuring that the seeker is an active participant in their spiritual journey.

Exquisite Empathy and Boundaried Compassion

Michael Kearney and Radhule Weininger describe “exquisite empathy” as “highly present, sensitively attuned, well-boundaried and heartfelt empathic engagement.” They note that this kind of attunement, when paired with embodied self-awareness, can invigorate rather than deplete those who hold space for others. It honors the other without over-identification or burnout. In spiritual direction, exquisite empathy invites us to tune into a seeker’s needs—not override them in the name of “helping.” It’s a stance of listening with, not acting upon.

In spiritual direction, exquisite empathy invites us to tune into a seeker’s needs—not override them in the name of “helping.” It's a stance of listening with, not acting upon.

Consent in Practice: Key Components

To embed a culture of consent in our practice, consider these ongoing habits:

Communicate Openly – Share expectations, boundaries, and intentions with clarity and transparency.
Seek Explicit Agreement – Never assume consent—ask directly and clearly, with room for “no.”
Honor Boundaries – Take a “no” as sacred. Refrain from pushing, fixing, or overstepping.
Notice Nonverbal Cues – Pay attention to tone, body language, and hesitation. Ask if unsure.
Reflect and Learn – Normalize conversations about consent. Seek supervision. Update your approach as needed.

Consent is not confined to formal agreements or specific contexts; it is the bedrock of all healthy human relationships. It involves clear communication, mutual respect, and the recognition of each individual's autonomy. In every interaction, whether personal or professional, consent ensures that all parties feel safe, valued, and empowered.

See also this post: Decolonizing Spiritual Direction: Listening Beyond Your Lenses
http://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2024/01/decolonizing-spiritual-direction.html

lasped Hands of Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Open Access by the Met Museum

Covenant Template: Grounding Consent in Spiritual Tending

One way to embody a culture of consent from the outset is to co-create a clear agreement or covenant. Use this sample covenant to ground your spiritual companionship relationships in mutual respect, transparency, and shared intention.

See also this post on intake practices and co-creating initial agreements:
Beginning the Journey: Intake Practices for Spiritual Tending

Try It: Building Consent into Everyday Practice

Ask your seeker: “What kind of support would be helpful today?”

Reflect: “Have I ever assumed someone wanted guidance when they wanted silence?”

Practice: “How might I build more consent into my language, tone, and agreements?”

Reflect: “What assumptions do I carry about authority, guidance, or leadership in spiritual spaces? How might they shape the way I ask—or forget to ask—for consent?”

Consent as a Spiritual Practice

Practicing consent is an act of reverence. It acknowledges the divine spark in each person and invites us to travel together—not lead or follow, but travel with in mutuality. It’s how we create safer, braver, and more sacred spaces for transformation.

Practicing consent is an act of reverence. It acknowledges the divine spark in each person and invites us to travel together—not lead or follow, but move in mutuality. In this way, consent becomes a spiritual practice: a way of creating safer, braver, and more sacred spaces for transformation.

Let us remember that consent is the foundation upon which we build ethical and meaningful connections. As spiritual companions and human beings, may we foster a culture of consent in all our interactions—recognizing it as a path to deeper understanding, trust, and spiritual growth.

Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy,

Rev. Amy

For Further Exploration

Consent Culture & Care

• Kraemer, Christine Hoff, and Yvonne Aburrow (Eds.). Pagan Consent Culture – Essays on building consent into Pagan values and communities.
http://humanisticpaganism.com/2016/07/10/pagan-consent-culture-edited-by-yvonne-aburrow-and-christine-hoff-kraemer/
• Baczynski, Marcia & Erica Scott. Creating Consent Culture – Activity-based guide for consent across life’s interactions.
https://creatingconsentculture.com
• The Consent Guidebook – Practical strategies for cultivating respectful relationships.
https://www.consentguidebook.com
• Bradshaw, Cheryl. “How Consent is More Than Just a Question and an Answer” (TED Talk) – Insight into everyday consent culture.
https://www.ted.com/talks/cheryl_bradshaw_how_consent_is_more_than_just_a_question_and_an_answer

• Brown, Brené – The Gifts of Imperfection
Though not specifically about consent, this book offers language around boundaries, self-worth, and integrity that can deepen a consent-based spiritual practice. https://brenebrown.com/books/the-gifts-of-imperfection/

• Hancock, Mindy – “The Sacred Art of Consent” (article)
Explores the theological and spiritual significance of consent within sacred relationships. https://www.christiancentury.org/article/critical-essay/sacred-art-consent

Ethical Guidelines in Spiritual Direction

• Spiritual Directors International. Guidelines for Ethical Conduct https://www.sdicompanions.org/guidelines
• Australian Ecumenical Council. Code of Ethics for Spiritual Directors https://spiritualdirection.org.au
• Companions in the Ministry of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. Code of Ethics https://ignatianspirituality.net.au
• Solomon, Anne. Ethics & Good Practice in Spiritual Direction (UK) – Insight into power, responsibility, and care in direction. https://annefsolomon.co.uk

Covenant Template: Grounding Consent in Spritual Tending

One powerful way to embody a consent-based approach is to co-create a written covenant at the start of your companionship. Here’s a sample you can adapt.

This covenant represents a mutual agreement between [Spiritual Companion's Name] (Companion) and [Spiritual Explorer's Name] (Explorer) to establish a relationship of trust, respect, and integrity in the spiritual companionship process.

1. Purpose of the Relationship
This relationship is intended to support the Explorer in exploring their spiritual life, nurturing their relationship with the divine (as they understand it), and growing in self-awareness.

2. Confidentiality
The Companion will honor the Explorer's confidentiality.

Confidentiality will only be broken in circumstances where the Companion is required by law to report:

If the Explorer discloses plans to harm themselves or others.
If there is knowledge or suspicion of child abuse, elder abuse, or abuse of a vulnerable person.

The Companion will communicate directly with the Explorer, and/or their designated emergency contact, if a situation arises requiring a breach of confidentiality.

3. Mutual Responsibilities
Timeliness: Both parties agree to arrive on time for scheduled sessions. Sessions that begin late will still end at the originally agreed-upon time.

Sobriety: Both parties agree to arrive free from the influence of alcohol or mind-altering substances, unless such substances are legally prescribed and taken as directed.

Respect: Both parties agree to communicate with kindness and respect, honoring one another's boundaries.

Ethical Practice: The Companion affirms adherence to the ethical guidelines provided by [Spiritual Direction Organization, e.g., Spiritual Directors International], including maintaining professional boundaries, seeing a supervisor, and a commitment to the Explorer's well-being.

4. Financial Agreement
The fee for each session is $[amount] and is payable [method, e.g., prior to the session via cash, check, or electronic transfer].

If the Explorer is unable to attend a session, they agree to provide at least 24 hours' notice to reschedule or cancel. Sessions canceled with less than 24 hours' notice may still be charged at the agreed rate.

5. Session Format
Sessions will last approximately [duration, e.g., 60 minutes].

Meetings will take place [location, e.g., in person at X or via Zoom].

Either party may choose to end this covenant with at least [notice period, e.g., two weeks'] notice.

6. Acknowledgment of Limitations
The Companion is not a licensed therapist, counselor, or financial or medical professional and will not provide advice in these areas.

The Companion's role is to provide spiritual guidance, deep listening, and reflective companionship.

7. Commitment to Growth
Both parties agree to enter this relationship with open hearts and a commitment to the Explorer's spiritual growth, trusting in the process and honoring the sacred in all aspects of this journey.

Signatures

Explorer
Name: __________________________ Signature: ______________________

Date: ___________________________

Companion
Name: __________________________ Signature: ______________________

Date: ___________________________

This covenant is a living document, open to amendment with the mutual consent of both parties. It is grounded in trust, respect, and the sacred intention of spiritual companionship.

#SpiritualDirection #ConsentIsSacred #EthicalSpiritualCare #SacredListening #MutualRespectMatters #WholeHolyWorthy

This Heart of Spiritual Direction series is ©2025 Amy Beltaine, all rights reserved. You may freely reprint any blog post, website, or print resource. Simply include the following attribution, and if you print online, make the link at the end live:

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Saturday, May 17, 2025