Beginning the Tending Relationship with Hospitality, Consent, and Care
Beginning a spiritual companionship relationship is an act of profound hospitality. From the first email to the first few sessions, your presence and clarity set the tone for what’s possible. A thoughtful intake process isn’t about paperwork—it’s about building a container of consent, safety, and sacred welcome. Whether your style is formal or fluid, rooted in tradition or improvisational, what matters most is that each person who arrives feels percieved, honored, and free to discern what’s right for them. In this way, our first moments together become not just logistical, but deeply holy.
The beginning of a spiritual companionship relationship is just as sacred as its ongoing work. How we welcome a seeker—how we gather information, build relationship, and establish agreements—lays the foundation for trust, safety, and deep spiritual work. There’s no single right way to begin this journey. What matters is that you’re clear on why you’re doing what you’re doing, and how it might feel for the person sitting across from you.
From Curiosity to Relationship
1. From Interest to Connection
When someone expresses interest in working with you, how do you respond?
- Some companions reply with a warm email and invite a “get to know you” session (20–60 minutes).
- Others jump right into scheduling the first full appointment.
- What’s your rhythm? How do you balance accessibility with clarity about your practice?
2. Discerning a Match
The “Get to Know You” appointment—or a series of exchanged emails, a referral, or even simply your website—can help both you and the explorer discern whether you’re a good match for spiritual tending.
This isn’t about judging or evaluating each other, but about mutual fit.
You’re listening for resonance: Does it feel like trust, safety, and depth might be possible together?
Both you and the explorer should feel comfortable moving forward. If not, it’s okay to bless and release the connection—or to offer referrals if you can.
You might consider:
- Do your identities, practices, and spiritual languages feel compatible—or at least respectfully bridgeable?
- Are there any red flags around boundaries, expectations, or needs?
- Do you feel a sense of welcome and spaciousness together?
- Would you prefer to continue discerning fit during the first few appointments before committing long-term?
A gentle intake process honors that not every connection is meant to become a companionship—and that’s a sacred discernment too.
3. The Covenant or Agreement
Spiritual companionship is a relationship. Whether you call it a covenant, agreement, or shared understanding, it’s helpful to name:
- Confidentiality
- Frequency and format of meetings
- Length (months or years) or commitment
- Fees or sliding scales
- How to pause or end
- Your role and limits as a companion
4. Gathering the Basics
Before or during your first meeting, you may want to ask for some logistical information:
- Contact info and emergency contact (required)
- How they found you
- Any accessibility needs
- Pronouns, identities, or traditions that are meaningful
5. Optional Deep-Dive Questionnaires
Some companions use an intake questionnaire that asks about the seeker’s spiritual background, current practices, hopes, and concerns.
- These can be rich for reflection, but may feel overwhelming or clinical to some.
- If you use one, consider explaining why—and make it optional.
- Alternatively, you might gather this information over the first few sessions.
6. The First Three Appointments
The early sessions are often about building relationship. Some companions invite seekers to share a spiritual autobiography—others simply follow the seeker’s lead. Some use those appointments to "try on" various approaches to allow the explorer to have context for later choices. Some companions allow these three first sessions to be the time of discerning the match.
You might:
- Ask open questions like, “What has shaped your spirit?”
- Offer gentle structure to help them reflect.
- Notice patterns, invitations, and hungers while staying attuned to what feels spacious and possible in the present moment.
What matters most is that you’re listening—not just to the content of their story, but to how they’re arriving, what they need, and what feels possible.
Try It: Build Your Own Intake Flow
Sketch out the journey from first contact to the third session. Ask yourself:
- What’s most important to communicate?
- Where do you invite mutual discernment?
- What are your own boundaries and needs?
- How might this feel for a neurodivergent, trauma-experienced, or hesitant seeker?
Then, try it out—and keep learning from each new explorer who comes your way.
Every seeker who reaches out is offering you something tender: the beginning of a sacred relationship. By meeting them with clarity, hospitality, and care, you co-create a space where transformation is possible. And with each new beginning, you learn again how sacred it is simply to meet—with reverence, curiosity, and consent.
Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy,
Rev. Amy
For Further Exploration
For Further Exploration
• Spiritual Directors International – Offers sample agreements, intake forms, and guidance on professional practices in spiritual direction.
https://www.sdicompanions.org
• Pace, Linda. Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls – Explores diverse approaches to spiritual companionship, grounding it in historical and pastoral theology.
https://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Direction-Care-Souls-Recovering/dp/0830822911
• Silver, Mark. Heart of Business – While written for entrepreneurs, this resource offers deep wisdom on consent, safety, and authentic relating.
https://www.heartofbusiness.com
• Lynch, Gordon. Pastoral Care & Counselling – Offers a grounded approach to intake, contracting, and relational ethics that can be adapted for spiritual direction.
https://www.amazon.com/Pastoral-Care-Counselling-Gordon-Lynch/dp/0761959481
• Helminski, Camille. The Book of Character: Writings on the Human Soul from the World's Spiritual Traditions – Invites reflection on core values like hospitality, trust, and dignity across traditions.
https://www.amazon.com/Book-Character-Writings-Spiritual-Traditions/dp/1585421395
See Also These Blog Posts
• Embracing Consent: A Foundation for Ethical Spiritual Tending and Human Connection (Coming soon) https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/04/embracing-consent-foundation-for.html
• Ethical Spiritual Tending: A Foundation of Trust and Integrity – Explores how sacred listening, ethical guidelines, and mutual agreements support trust and autonomy in spiritual direction.
https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/ethical-spiritual-companioning.html
• When Spaciousness Feels Like Abandonment – Reflects on balancing non-directiveness with active support, especially for seekers needing more structure or guidance.
https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/04/when-spaciousness-feels-like.html
• Praying and Blessings: Ethics, Consent, and Hospitality – Explores the ethics of offering prayer or blessings in spiritual companionship, emphasizing consent and honoring seeker autonomy.
https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/praying-and-blessings-ethics-consent.html
• Honoring All Kinds of Minds: Spiritual Tending for Neurodiverse Companionship – Discusses how to create hospitable, responsive practices for seekers with a range of neurotypes and communication styles.
https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/04/honoring-all-kinds-of-minds.html
• Introduction to Trauma-Informed Spiritual Tending – Outlines key principles of trauma-aware companioning and how they support safety, agency, and healing.
https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/introduction-to-trauma-informed.html
Covenant Template: Grounding Consent in Relationship
This covenant represents a mutual agreement between [Spiritual Companion's Name] (Companion) and [Spiritual Explorer's Name] (Explorer) to establish a relationship of trust, respect, and integrity in the spiritual companionship process.
1. Purpose of the Relationship
This relationship is intended to support the Explorer in exploring their spiritual life, nurturing their relationship with the divine (as they understand it), and growing in self-awareness.
2. Confidentiality
The Companion will honor the Explorer's confidentiality.
Confidentiality will only be broken in circumstances where the Companion is required by law to report:
- If the Explorer discloses plans to harm themselves or others.
- If there is knowledge or suspicion of child abuse, elder abuse, or abuse of a vulnerable person.
The Companion will communicate directly with the Explorer, and/or their designated emergency contact, if a situation arises requiring a breach of confidentiality.
3. Mutual Responsibilities
Timeliness: Both parties agree to arrive on time for scheduled sessions. Sessions that begin late will still end at the originally agreed-upon time.
Sobriety: Both parties agree to arrive free from the influence of alcohol or mind-altering substances, unless such substances are legally prescribed and taken as directed.
Respect: Both parties agree to communicate with kindness and respect, honoring one another's boundaries.
Ethical Practice: The Companion affirms adherence to the ethical guidelines provided by [Spiritual Direction Organization, e.g., Spiritual Directors International], including maintaining professional boundaries, seeing a supervisor, and a commitment to the Explorer's well-being.
4. Financial Agreement
The fee for each session is $[amount] and is payable [method, e.g., prior to the session via cash, check, or electronic transfer].
If the Explorer is unable to attend a session, they agree to provide at least 24 hours' notice to reschedule or cancel. Sessions canceled with less than 24 hours' notice may still be charged at the agreed rate.
5. Session Format
Sessions will last approximately [duration, e.g., 60 minutes].
Meetings will take place [location, e.g., in person at X or via Zoom].
Either party may choose to end this covenant with at least [notice period, e.g., two weeks'] notice.
6. Acknowledgment of Limitations
The Companion is not a licensed therapist, counselor, or financial or medical professional and will not provide advice in these areas.
The Companion's role is to provide spiritual guidance, deep listening, and reflective companionship.
7. Commitment to Growth
Both parties agree to enter this relationship with open hearts and a commitment to the Explorer's spiritual growth, trusting in the process and honoring the sacred in all aspects of this journey.
Signatures
Explorer
Name: __________________________
Signature: ______________________
Date: ___________________________
Companion
Name: __________________________
Signature: ______________________
Date: ___________________________
This covenant is a living document, open to amendment with the mutual consent of both parties. It is grounded in trust, respect, and the sacred intention of spiritual companionship.
This Heart of Spiritual Direction series is ©2025 Amy Beltaine, all rights reserved. You may freely reprint any blog post, website, or print resource. Simply include the following attribution, and if you print online, make the link at the end live:
Article ©2025 Amy Beltaine, all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission. This article and hundreds of others, along with other free resources are available at http://www.AmyBeltaine.info
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