Praying and Blessings: Ethics, Consent, and Finding What Works

Prayer and blessings are deeply personal—and often deeply fraught. They can be sources of profound comfort, connection, and meaning. But they can also be used as weapons of control and coercion, especially when forced on someone without consent.

For spiritual seekers, guides, and companions, it’s important to navigate these practices with care, respect, and an understanding of different traditions. This post explores the complexities of prayer and blessing, provides guidance on ethical engagement, and invites you to find the forms of these practices that resonate with you.

See also The Heart of Spiritual Companioning: http://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/the-heart-of-spiritual-companioning.html

The Weight of Words: “I’ll Pray for You”

Many of us have had painful experiences with prayer. When prayer is used to “fix” someone, erase their identity, or imply they are broken, it ceases to be a sacred offering and instead becomes a tool of harm.

• Prayer as Control: Fundamentalist communities have prayed over children to “cure” them of disabilities or prayed for LGBTQ+ people to “change.”
• Prayer as Performative: Politicians offer “thoughts and prayers” after tragedies with no accompanying action, reducing prayer to empty words.
• Prayer as Aggression: “I’ll pray for you” can carry an unspoken message: You are wrong. You need fixing.

Yet prayer and blessing can also be powerful expressions of love and solidarity when offered with consent and care:

• Prayer as Requested Support: Someone asks to be prayed over, standing in the center of a circle of loving presence.
• Prayer as Recognition: A friend says, “I’m holding you in my prayers,” honoring a struggle without attempting to change the person.
• Blessings as Affirmation: Words of blessing, written or spoken, acknowledging beauty, strength, and dignity.

When we offer prayer or blessings, the how and why matter just as much as the what.

See also Ethics in Spiritual Direction: http://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/ethics-in-spiritual-direction.html

Consent in Prayer and Blessing

Consent is essential. No one should be prayed over or blessed against their will. But what does consent look like in spiritual practice?

• Explicit Consent: Asking directly—“Would you like me to pray for you?”—and respecting the answer.
• Implicit Consent: If someone shares a struggle but doesn’t ask for prayer, it may be best to hold them in your heart privately rather than announcing, “I’ll pray for you.”
• Community Consent: In group settings, like a congregation, there may be shared understandings about prayer, but individuals should always have the choice to participate or not.

Blessings III by John Holyfield CC4.0

See also Spiritual Hospitality: Creating Safe and Sacred Space: http://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/spiritual-hospitality-creating-safe-and-sacred-space.html

Finding Your Own Approach to Prayer and Blessing

There is no single way to pray or bless. Traditions across the world have developed varied and meaningful practices.

1. Personal Prayer and Blessing

If you want to develop a prayer or blessing practice, consider:

• Language that fits your beliefs: Do you prefer traditional prayers, spontaneous words, poetry, or silence?
• Structure: Some prayers follow a set form (like Jewish blessings beginning with Baruch atah). Others are freeform.
• Physical engagement: Laying on hands, lighting candles, bowing, singing—all can be part of prayer.

2. Praying and Blessing Others

When supporting others, focus on affirmation rather than fixing:

• Instead of “May you be healed of your struggles,” try “May you find strength in your journey.”
• Instead of “I pray that you change,” try “I bless the fullness of who you are.”

3. Adapting Traditions to Your Needs

• Druid prayers often focus on nature and gratitude (OBOD’s teachings).
• Jewish blessings are deeply ethical, as explored in this article.
• Secular blessings can be found on sites like Join Cake and Pinterest.
• Christian practices like laying on of hands can be reimagined in multi-faith spaces (example).

Artist Unknown

See also Mysticism and Spiritual Direction: Embodied Presence and Deep Connection: http://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/mysticism-and-spiritual-direction.html

A Blessing for Those Who Seek

For those who consent to receive a blessing:

May you be recognized for who you are, fully and without condition.

May your path unfold with kindness and wisdom.

May you be held in love, whether by hands, by presence, or by the vast and quiet sacred that knows you by name.

May you bless and be blessed, in ways that bring only good.

Prayer and blessing, at their best, are about connection, care, and mutual respect. As you navigate your own practice—whether praying, blessing, or receiving—may you find what feels true, just, and good.

Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy,

Rev. Amy

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Try It: Writing a Prayer or Blessing

1. Reflect: What has been your experience with prayer and blessing? What do you want these words to mean in your life?

2. Consider Consent: If writing for someone else, imagine asking them, “Would you like this blessing?”

3. Write or Speak: Whether it’s a simple wish, a poetic prayer, or a silent moment of intention, craft a blessing that resonates.

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For Further Exploration

• Ethics of Praying for Others (John Beckett): https://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnbeckett/2018/01/ethics-praying-others.html

• For more on the spiritual roots of prayer and guidance, see The Roots of Spiritual Direction: http://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/03/the-roots-of-spiritual-direction-desert.html 

• Druid Prayers (OBOD): https://druidry.org/druid-way/teaching-and-practice/druid-prayer-devotion

• Jewish Ethics of Blessings: https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/blessings-and-jewish-ethics/

• Secular Blessings: https://www.joincake.com/blog/non-religious-prayers/

• Laying on of Hands in Christian Ordination and Healing – This ancient practice, rooted in both the Hebrew Bible and Christian tradition, symbolizes the transmission of spiritual authority, blessing, or healing. It is used in ordination rites, healing prayers, and anointing of the sick. Learn more about its history and significance: https://www.britannica.com/topic/ordination

• Reiki and the Ethics of Energy Healing – Reiki is a Japanese spiritual practice that involves channeling energy through hands-on or hands-near healing. Practitioners emphasize consent, intention, and the receiver’s autonomy. Explore Reiki’s history, techniques, and ethical considerations: https://www.reiki.org/faqs/what-reiki