Who Do I Trust to Tend My Spirit
When we open ourselves to deep spiritual work, we are entrusting tender parts of our souls to another person. That’s no small thing. And in a perfect world, we could do so without hesitation, knowing we would be met with wisdom, care, and integrity. But we live in this world, where people can hold very different values, or be unskilled, or careless. If you have hesitations about beginning spiritual direction, they are not only understandable – they are wise.
That doesn’t mean you have to navigate the struggle and chaos alone. It means you deserve to be discerning.
So how do you find a companion who will truly nourish and support you? How do you ensure that you are safe while also receiving the care you long for? Here are some ways to honor both your wisdom and your spiritual hunger:
1. Take Your Time (and Meet More Than One Person)
Many seekers feel pressured to commit too quickly, especially if they’re eager for support. But a wise match is more important than a fast one. You should expect to meet with two to three potential companions before deciding who feels right. Spiritual direction is deeply personal, and finding the right fit takes time.
Notice how you feel when you meet each person. Do you feel seen and respected? Or do you feel subtly dismissed, talked over, or pushed? The body often knows before the mind does – pay attention.
2. Ask Questions (and Expect Thoughtful Answers)
You have the right to ask about their training, experience, and approach if it’s not already on their website. Ask how they handle difficult situations, ethical concerns, or differences in belief. A trustworthy companion will welcome these questions and answer with transparency. If someone gets defensive or vague, that’s useful information.
You can also check into the ethics of the training program they attended. Many spiritual direction programs have published ethical guidelines – do those align with what feels safe and right to you? A companion’s formation matters, not just in their skills but in the values they were taught to uphold.
3. Know That You Can Say No
Some seekers worry about disappointing a potential companion if they decide not to continue. But spiritual direction is a relationship, not an obligation. A good companion will respect your choice, even if you choose not to continue with them.
4. Ask About Consent (and Expect More Than Words)
A companion may have the best intentions, but do they actively practice consent culture? You can ask directly: How do you invite consent in spiritual direction? A thoughtful companion will have a clear answer – about topics of conversation, types of prayer, and even the pace of the work.
Consent is more than permission; it’s an ongoing practice. If you ever feel pressured –whether to share something personal, try a new exercise, or move faster than feels right – that’s a sign to pause and reassess. A healthy spiritual companion will respect your boundaries without hesitation.
5. Set Boundaries (and Watch How They Respond)
Healthy spiritual direction relationships have clear boundaries. If you ever feel uncomfortable with the level of personal disclosure, the setting, or the expectations, you can and should name that. If the companion reacts with grace and a willingness to adjust, that’s a good sign. If they react with frustration or dismissal, that’s a red flag.
6. Trust Can Grow, But It Shouldn’t Be Forced
You don’t need to trust someone immediately. Trust is built over time, through consistency and care. If you feel hesitant, that doesn’t necessarily mean this isn’t the right companion for you, it might just mean you need more time. A good companion will honor your pace.
7. A Good Companion Celebrates You
Spiritual companionship isn’t just about guidance–it’s about witnessing and honoring who you are. A good companion will recognize your wisdom, affirm your sacred worth, and celebrate both who you are and who you are becoming. If a companion makes you feel small, broken, or unworthy, they are not the right fit for you.
8. You Deserve to Be Nourished
Finally, let’s not lose sight of the heart of this work: you are seeking something real and meaningful. You deserve to be supported in that, not just safely, but with tenderness and wisdom. The right companion won’t just avoid harm–they will actively help you flourish.
You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. But you do get to choose who travels with you.
You are whole, holy, and worthy.
Rev. Amy
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To find a Spiritual Companion, visit http://AmyBeltaine.info or https://shorturl.at/pr0ue or http://UUSDN.org
Free student-led spiritual companioning starting March 2025, March 2026, https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/01/embark-on-spiritual-journey-with-free.html
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