When the Path Diverges: Endings in Spiritual Direction

Endings are a natural part of all relationships, including spiritual direction. Still, they can be emotionally and spiritually tender—especially when they happen suddenly or without acknowledgment. Whether a direction relationship spans three sessions or three years, how we conclude the journey matters.

Why Endings Matter

Spiritual direction isn’t a haircut or a massage. While it might be fine to silently stop scheduling hair appointments, this "fade-away" approach is not ideal for deep, sacred relationships. A direction relationship touches on a person’s heart, growth, and sacred story. It deserves a thoughtful farewell.

And yet, ghosting happens. Even in spiritual direction.

People stop replying. They don’t schedule again. They disappear, perhaps without even meaning to. Life gets busy. Emotional discomfort arises. Some feel awkward naming a need to pause or move on. If this has happened to you as a companion, you're not alone. If you’ve ghosted a spiritual companion yourself—know that many of us have at some point, and it’s never too late to reach out with a thank-you or a simple goodbye.

The truth is, endings are often vulnerable. They ask us to acknowledge change. They require us to let go. But when handled with care, they can be as meaningful as any other part of the journey.

Setting Expectations Early

One of the best ways to support good endings is to talk about them at the beginning. I often let seekers know:

You are free to end at any time. This is your journey, and I honor your discernment.
When possible, let’s name an ending together. Even a brief email or single final session helps bring a sense of completeness.
I will not take your need to stop personally. Seasons change. Life shifts. People grow and need different support. That’s normal.

You might also name your own rhythm of checking in: “If I haven’t heard from you in three months, I’ll send a gentle note to see where things stand. No pressure—just presence.”

Different Ways to End

Not every ending looks the same. Here are a few possibilities:

A closing session. Sometimes a seeker knows it’s time to pause or move on and names this during a regular session. Together, you might spend that time harvesting the fruits of the journey.
An email or message. If a final session isn’t possible, a note of thanks and farewell can still offer closure.
A ritualized goodbye. Whether short or elaborate, ritual can honor the sacredness of the relationship and bless what’s next.
Time-limited agreements. Some direction relationships are set up for a season—a 6-month program, a year-long container, or a sabbatical accompaniment. When that’s the case, you can build reflection and closure into the final session from the start.

None of these are required, but each offers an opportunity for mutual blessing.

A Ritual to Close the Circle

When seekers are open to it, I offer the following “Ritual of Looking Back, Looking Forward.” It’s designed for two people to do together via Zoom and helps mark the end of our time with meaning and grace.

Ritual of Looking Back, Looking Forward (for Two, via Zoom)

To conclude a spiritual direction relationship.
Materials: One central candle, one candle for each person (companion and seeker), matches or lighter, and a fire-safe surface.

Before the Zoom call: Each person sets up their candle and fire-safe surface. Lights are dimmed to create a contemplative space.
Opening words:
Companion says:
“Welcome, [Seeker’s Name]. As our time together comes to a close, we gather virtually to acknowledge the journey we’ve shared and to bless the paths that lie ahead. This central candle, which I will light now, represents the time we’ve spent together…”
Lighting the central candle: The companion lights it and invites silent reflection:
“What moments stand out for you, [Seeker’s Name]? What have you learned? What gifts have you received from this connection?”
Lighting individual candles: Each person lights their own candle, sharing a word or phrase about what they carry forward.
“May our individual paths be illuminated with the wisdom and strength we have gained.”
Extinguishing the central candle: The companion gently puts it out, saying:
“This does not mean the light we shared is gone, but rather that it has been dispersed, carried within each of us…”
Closing blessing and silence.

This simple ritual allows the sacred relationship to be honored—without clinging, and without minimizing its depth.

If You’ve Been Ghosted…

It’s okay to feel sadness or confusion. Try not to assume ill intent. You might send a brief note like:

“Dear [Name],
I’ve noticed we haven’t connected in a while. If this marks the end of our direction relationship, I want to say thank you for the time we shared. If you'd like to meet for a brief closing session, I’d be honored. In any case, may your path continue to be rich and spirit-filled.”

Even without a reply, you’ve modeled spaciousness, kindness, and healthy boundaries.

If You Need to End as the Companion

Sometimes you may feel a need to conclude the relationship—due to scope of practice, time constraints, personal limits, or misalignment. These conversations can be awkward but are often received with gratitude when offered gently and clearly. You might say:

“I want to honor the journey we've shared. I'm noticing that what you're seeking may be better supported by someone with a different focus. I'd be glad to help you find the right next companion, if you wish.”

Ending with care is part of ethical spiritual companionship. We can model what it looks like to say goodbye with respect and presence.

Try It

If you're a seeker, consider how you want to bring closure when you sense a direction relationship is complete. What would help you mark the transition?
If you're a companion, create a few templates or rituals you can offer. Include a note about endings in your welcome packet.
Reflect on past goodbyes in your own life. What made them feel meaningful—or not?

Every path has its thresholds. Every threshold offers a choice: to move back, or to move through with awareness.

Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy. May your endings be as sacred as your beginnings.

With warmth,
Amy

For Further Exploration

• Finley, James. The Healing Path – Offers profound reflections on spiritual journeying, including what it means to release and let go.
https://jamesfinley.org/the-healing-path

• Spiritual Directors International – Offers guidelines and reflections on ethical companionship, including the importance of mutuality and closure.
https://www.sdicompanions.org

• Piver, Susan. The Four Noble Truths of Love – Though about relationships, this book offers tools for navigating the discomfort of endings with honesty and heart.
https://susanpiver.com/books

This Heart of Spiritual Direction series is ©2025 Amy Beltaine, all rights reserved. You may freely reprint any blog post, website, or print resource. Simply include the following attribution, and if you print online, make the link at the end live:

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Tuesday, July 22, 2025