When the World is on Fire: Why Spiritual Care Still Matters

Not everyone has to be a fire fighter to put out a fire. Some of us have to be water carriers.

When authoritarianism rises, when rights are stripped away, when the fabric of society frays—what is the point of tending to small things? What is the point of spiritual care when fascism gains ground?

The answer is simple, but not easy: the work of spiritual care still matters. In fact, it matters more.

Naming the Tensions

In a moment like this, we’re pulled in many directions.

• Panic: Drop everything. Scream. Mobilize.
• Grief: Lie down and cry. Lose faith in what we do.
• Numbness: Pretend it’s not happening. Keep busy. Keep scrolling.
• Determination: Carry on with work and routines as if nothing has changed.

And for those of us whose work centers around care, spirit, healing, and justice, there’s an added tension:

How do I do this work now? Is it selfish to keep tending to my practice, to my livelihood, to my own healing while the world is burning?

Burning dumpster at George Floyd protests in Washington DC, Lafayette Square by Rosa Pineda CC4.0

Yes, Your Work Still Matters

I want to say this clearly: spiritual care is not a luxury. It is not optional. It is not secondary to “real” resistance.

Spiritual care is part of resistance.

The practices we offer—presence, reflection, discernment, connection, grief-holding, joy-tending—these are what keep people human in the face of dehumanization. These are what make the difference between despair and determination, between burnout and resilience.

If you’re a caregiver, a healer, a spiritual companion, your work is part of the resistance. You are offering people a lifeline. You are helping them find their ground when the world is shaking.

Personal Crisis in Public Crisis

And what if your personal life is also unraveling? What if you’re navigating divorce, illness, poverty, grief?

Well, of course that is happening. Life is still “life-ing.”. That’s not a disqualification. That’s part of the truth.

Your heartbreak does not make your care less valuable. It may, in fact, deepen it.

Your questions about what to keep, what to let go, and what to rebuild—those are holy questions.

There’s no shame in regrouping. There’s no shame in starting over. There is no shame in needing care and offering it. We are in this together, and none of us is immune to the ache of these times.

So How Do We Go On?

• Gently. With ourselves. With one another. With the work.
• Imperfectly. Trusting that “enough” is still sacred.
• Creatively. Letting old models go if needed, experimenting with what still resonates.
• With discernment. Listening for what’s real, what’s needed, what’s yours to hold.

Try This

1. Set a timer for ten minutes.
2. Ask yourself: What part of my work still feels alive?
3. Write down whatever comes. Don’t judge.
4. Then ask: What needs to rest? What’s worth tending now?

You’re not alone in this.

The work of care—spiritual, emotional, communal—is never easy, and even less so in times of crisis. But it is still ours to do. Not perfectly. Not endlessly. But with presence, with honesty, and with courage. The world may be on fire, and still, we keep lighting candles. Not to deny the dark, but to remember we are not forsaken. Our work remains. We remain. Let’s keep tending the sacred together.

Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy,

Rev. Amy

The Sacred Fire of Anger

Making Friends with Anger

A reflection for spiritual companions and seekers alike

There is a kind of fire that burns clean.

Too often we are taught to fear anger. To suppress it, silence it, spiritualize it away. We are told that “good” people are calm, measured, forgiving, never furious. Especially those of us socialized to be caretakers—women, queer folks, BIPOC, disabled folks—we are often expected to bear injustice quietly, or at most with polite critique.

But righteous rage is sacred. It is holy energy. It says: this is not okay. It fuels resistance. It fuels change. And it can also fuel care.

Fiery outline of the word LOVE, CC0

When my mom was dying of cancer, I found myself filled with an anger that surprised me. Anger at the disease, at what it was stealing, at the helplessness of it all. But that fire lit something in me. It gave me the energy to speak brave, vulnerable words to her—words I might not have dared if I’d only stayed in grief or numbness. 

Anger gave me the energy to show up for an abused elder, advocating for his safety and doing what needed to be done to remove him from the dangerous situation. That anger didn’t turn violent. It created boundaries. It was fierce love.

Anger doesn’t have to mean harm. In fact, when we repress it, that’s when it turns inwards—into shame, illness, bitterness. But when expressed wisely—at the right time, in the right way—it can open doors to healing and justice.

Woman holding torch with blue background, CC0

Sometimes I curse to myself—mutter sharp words, swear under my breath, or speak with a kind of fire that helps move the energy through me and out. It’s not always pretty, but it’s honest. These words are often born of a need to stay grounded, to give form to my anger so it doesn’t fester unspoken. Anger, after all, is movement—it wants expression, wants release. In those moments, I don’t fear the heat of my words. I let them rise, trusting that even rage can be sacred when it flows rather than festers.

And sometimes I joke that I want to cast a curse. But not a curse meant to cause misfortune or harm. No, the curses I imagine are acts of transformation. A spell like: “May you be filled with compassion.” Or: “May you feel how your words land on someone’s spirit.” Or: “May the next person you try to insult surprise you with their dignity.” These are the kinds of spells I want to send into the world—fierce and clear, rooted in care. They arise from a place where anger meets love, where the commitment to change burns just as hot as the outrage itself.

As spiritual companions, we often sit with those whose anger is tangled up in grief, trauma, or injustice. Our role is not to calm them down. Our role is to hold space for their fire, and help them discern how to use it. Anger might be the very thing that empowers someone to set a boundary, or to leave a toxic system, or to speak truth after a lifetime of silence.

Welcoming fire in stone fireplace, CC0

In a world that is constantly offering reasons to feel powerless—racism, transphobia, climate crisis, war—it is anger that can move us from despair to action. It is anger that interrupts complacency. And it is anger, strangely, that sometimes helps us love better. Because we care that much. Not the kind of love that is about being nice, or even kind, but fierce love—the kind that tells the truth, that shows up, that protects the most vulnerable. The kind of love that makes change.

May we give ourselves, and those we walk with, permission to feel angry.

May we learn to channel that energy into courageous compassion.

And may we honor the sacred fire—not to destroy, but to illuminate the path toward justice and wholeness.

Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy,

Rev. Amy

Celebrating Spring, while your neighbors celebrate Easter

Family-Friendly Traditions Beyond the Bunny

Spring is a time of renewal, transformation, and celebration. For many families, especially in the U.S. and Europe, that celebration takes the form of Easter—brimming with pastel eggs, chocolate bunnies, and church services. But what if Easter isn’t part of your family’s tradition? What if you’re part of a multi-faith household, secular family, Pagan, or simply want to avoid religious holidays while still embracing the energy of the season?

Whether you’re reclaiming older traditions, creating new ones, or just trying to navigate all the marketing hype with kids who really want to dye eggs, there are beautiful, meaningful ways to honor spring that don’t require celebrating Easter.

Spring Traditions Beyond Easter

Many of the symbols associated with Easter—eggs, rabbits, chicks, sweets—aren’t Christian in origin. They reflect deeper, older human connections to the changing seasons. Here are a few examples from diverse traditions that still thrive today:

Celtic Traditions

Lighting Beltane fires (May 1) to bless livestock as they moved to summer pastures; honoring wells and springs as sacred.

Option: Light a small fire or candle to bless new beginnings. Visit a local water source and offer gratitude for renewal—maybe by floating petals, singing a song, or simply being present.

Slavic Traditions

Drowning or burning the effigy of Marzanna (spirit of winter) to welcome spring; decorating pysanky—intricate eggs with symbols of protection and fertility.

Option: Write down what you’re releasing from winter and burn or compost it. Decorate eggs using natural dyes or personal symbols—turn it into a meditative, family craft project.

Norse & Germanic Traditions

Spring blóts—communal feasts honoring ancestors, spirits, and deities with offerings of food and drink.

Option: Hold a spring meal and set aside a portion for ancestors or the earth. A small outdoor offering or moment of silence can be powerful.

East Asian Traditions

Qingming Festival in China honors ancestors and reconnects people with nature; hanami in Japan celebrates the brief blooming of cherry blossoms.

Option: Tend to an ancestor’s memory with stories, art, or photos. Practice mindful noticing—of blossoms, breezes, or birdsong. Let children help name and track the changes.

Indigenous (Place-Based) Traditions

Many Indigenous communities honor spring through ceremonies tied to local cycles: first thunder, maple sap runs, returning birds.

Option: Learn what natural cycles shape your region. Is it frog song, crocus blooms, or pollinator activity? You don’t need to borrow Indigenous ceremonies—just pay attention, express gratitude, and listen deeply to the land.

Ways to Celebrate Spring Without Easter

These activities are inclusive, non-religious (or adaptable), and suitable for families:

1. Egg Decorating Without Resurrection

Explore egg symbolism across cultures—fertility, life, protection—and let kids design their own meaningful symbols or just play with color. Try natural dyes (onion skins, red cabbage, turmeric) and talk about where those plants come from.

2. Seasonal Storytime

Read or invent spring-themed stories from many cultures. Feature animals waking from hibernation, plants stretching toward the sun, or kids learning from the land. Let the stories spark play, art, or imaginative outdoor time.

3. Bless Your Garden or Balcony

You don’t need a farm—blessing a single pot of herbs or planting native flowers for pollinators counts. Say a few words, sprinkle water, or sing a song together.

4. Spring Altar or Nature Table

Let kids collect signs of spring—flowers, feathers, stones, colors—and create a seasonal display. Add candles, symbols of what your family hopes to grow, or photos of loved ones.

5. Release & Renew Ritual

Write down old habits, worries, or winter energies you’re ready to release. Burn, bury, shred, or toss them into moving water (responsibly). Welcome new intentions for the season ahead.

6. Share a Spring Feast

Make or buy seasonal foods and share them with friends, neighbors, or your community. You could even prepare a plate just for the land, the ancestors, or whatever sacredness your family honors.

Photo by Meaghan Campbell

Spring Belongs to Everyone

You don’t need to celebrate Easter to enjoy the season’s joy and abundance. Spring invites us all into wonder, growth, and connection—with each other, with the land, and with the cycles of life.

Whether through ancestral customs, creative reinvention, or simple observation of what blooms near your home, you can create rituals that reflect your values and roots.

How do you celebrate spring in ways that feel true to you? Share your stories—we’d love to learn from each other.

Metta Meditation: Holding the Infant

I'd like to invite you into a Metta practice. Traditionally metta is a Buddhist practice of offering loving kindness. In this practice we will offer loving kindness to someone we love, ourselves, and eventually to someone we are having trouble finding love for. 

I invite you on this loving journey.

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Let's Begin

Find a comfortable seat. Let your spine rise gently, your shoulders soften, and your breath flow naturally. Notice your heartbeat.

Now, bring your arms into a cradling position, as if holding a newborn baby. You might let your hands cup one another, or rest in your lap in a soft curve. Let your body remember what it’s like to hold something small and precious.

Feel the weight of the baby in your arms. Imagine the gentle warmth of their body against yours. Maybe there’s a soft scent—milk, skin, warmth. Their breath, slow and even. Their face, small and trusting.

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1. Someone You Love

Now picture someone you love or care for deeply. Let their image arise naturally.

Imagine them now… as a newborn. A tiny, sleeping infant, resting in your arms.

Look at their little face. Imagine their fingers curling. Maybe they squirm a little, make a sound. Notice how lovable they are.

Breathe in, and offer them lovingkindness:

• May you be safe.

• May you be happy.

• May you be healthy.

• May you live with ease.

Feel the sincerity of the offering. Feel your arms around this beloved one, so small, so worthy of care.

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2. Yourself

Now imagine the infant in your arms becomes you.

You, as a newborn. Soft cheeks. Tiny hands. Fragile. Complete.

Take a moment to look at your own face—your infant face. This is you. You too were once this new, this open to love.

Feel the weight of your infant self in your arms. Your breath mingling. Your warmth surrounding them.

Offer yourself lovingkindness:

• May I be safe.

• May I be happy.

• May I be healthy.

• May I live with ease.

Let it be okay if that feels tender. Or unfamiliar. Notice that you keep breathing, your heart keeps beating.

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3. A Stranger

Now the baby in your arms shifts again. This time, you are holding a stranger—someone you don’t know personally.

Maybe someone you passed on the street. Someone from the news. Someone you barely noticed.

Now see them as a newborn. Their eyes closed. Their body curled up in your arms.

Feel the weight of them. The softness. The warmth. The shared humanity.

Even if you know nothing about them, you know this:
They were once a baby. And they are lovable.

Offer them lovingkindness:

• May you be safe.

• May you be happy.

• May you be healthy.

• May you live with ease.

Let yourself feel the connection, simple and real.

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4. Someone You Struggle With

Now imagine someone you struggle to appreciate. Someone who has hurt you. Or someone who brings up frustration, sadness, or anger.

And now, imagine them as an infant in your arms.

This might feel strange. That’s okay. Just see if it’s possible.

They are very small. They haven’t yet learned what life will teach them. They haven’t yet done what they will do.
They are just a baby, breathing in your arms.

You feel their weight. Their fragility. Their humanness.

And if you are able, gently, offer them lovingkindness:

• May you be safe.

• May you be happy.

• May you be healthy.

• May you live with ease.

You’re not excusing anything. You’re just witnessing their early humanity, their potential, their vulnerability.

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Closing

Now, let all of these infants rest in your awareness—your beloved, yourself, the stranger, and the difficult person.

All once newborns. All lovable. All worthy of care.

Let your cradle arms release gently now. Place your hands over your heart, or let them rest naturally.

Feel yourself expand into heart space. Feel the warmth you’ve cultivated. Notice if there is a shift in your body tension or felt sense of your completeness.

And as you move through the rest of your day, may this tenderness stay close.
A reminder that lovingkindness begins in the arms of compassion—and that we all began this way.

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Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy,

Rev. Amy

Kindness in a Time of Claws

Searching through the Rubble for Kindness

When layoffs were sweeping through my workplace many years ago, I watched people I had thought of as kind and decent become cruel. Colleagues who once smiled in the hallways began hoarding resources, undermining one another, and snapping at anyone they perceived as vulnerable. I was shocked—and to be honest, deeply disillusioned. It was one of my earliest adult encounters with how fear and scarcity can twist people.

I did some reading at the time, trying to understand. The answers were complicated—and they still are.

Image Credit: Bonsales, Shutterstock

I want to believe people are good. Some might call that Pollyanna-ish, especially when we’re surrounded by cruelty, bullying, or indifference. But even if some people lose their way, that doesn’t mean we should stop believing in goodness—or trying to practice it ourselves.

Recent research reveals that in disasters, many people do rise to the occasion. Sociologists studying natural disasters like hurricanes and earthquakes have found that people often show extraordinary generosity and cooperation—what some call catastrophe compassion. When the world collapses around us, many of us build communities rather than barricades.¹

But that’s not the only pattern. When people feel threatened—whether by job loss, cultural change, or political power shifts—they can also behave like trapped animals. They snap at the hands trying to feed them or free them. This isn’t just metaphor. Neuroscience tells us that when we perceive danger, our amygdala (the threat detector) overrides the parts of our brain responsible for empathy, reason, and long-term thinking. We go into survival mode.²

That’s where we find ourselves now. I see this in the MAGA faithful. I see it in those who are drawn to fascist ideologies—even those who would be targeted by such regimes. It’s disheartening. And infuriating. And painful.

But it may also be fear.

That doesn’t excuse hate. It doesn’t mean we don’t set boundaries. But it may mean that kindness—real kindness, the kind that is rooted in strength, courage, and healthy boundaries—has more power than we think. That gentleness is not weakness. That compassion doesn’t mean avoiding the truth, but facing it with dignity.

We can be good even when others are not.

And sometimes, people surprise us. Even those who’ve lashed out in pain may, someday, reach back in peace. I’ve seen it happen. It may not be everyone. But it might be someone.

What about bullies?

Bullying isn’t always about cruelty for its own sake. Psychologists point out that many bullies act out of a need for control, fear of being powerless, or a belief that harshness is the only way to be safe.³ In the same way that political extremism can become a hard shell around fear or shame, bullying can be a survival tactic that outlasts the original threat. But people can grow beyond it. What helps? Real relationships. Accountability. New narratives about who they are and what strength looks like. I’ve seen it happen. People can soften. People can change.

So let’s practice kindness—not just for them, but for ourselves. Let’s find refuge in our own integrity. Let’s be the kind of neighbor we’d want to search for in the rubble.

Try It: Reflecting on Courageous Kindness

• Recall a time when you felt backed into a corner. What helped you not lash out—or helped you return to kindness later?

• Is there someone you’re tempted to write off as “irredeemable”? What do you imagine they’re afraid of? (This doesn’t mean excusing harm, nor putting yourself in harm's way—but it might offer insight.)

• Practice one act of proactive kindness today—especially one that’s a bit uncomfortable. Kindness is easy when you think someone deserves it. Real courage shows up when kindness is not returned.

You might find grounding in this practice:

https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/04/metta-meditation-holding-infant.html

I'd love to receive your responses to this. It is a challenge to balance kindness with boundaries, a passion for justice with compassion. What's working (or not working) for you?

Beloved,

You are whole, holy, and worthy,

Rev. Amy

Cults and High-Control Groups: Supporting Spiritual Seekers in Finding Their Authentic Path

Cults and High-Control Groups: Supporting Spiritual Seekers in Finding Their Authentic Path

Leaving a high-control group is not just about finding the exit—it’s about reclaiming your own mind, your choices, and your sense of self. Whether someone is questioning a religious sect, a conspiracy movement, or a manipulative community, the journey out is rarely simple. Fear, grief, and uncertainty often mix with relief and newfound freedom. As spiritual companions, we are not here to force an awakening or dismantle someone’s beliefs. Instead, we journey with those seeking truth, offering deep listening, steady presence, and the assurance that they are not alone. Here, we explore how to witness, support, and empower those who are finding their way back to themselves.

Understanding High-Control Groups

For those offering spiritual companionship, understanding high-control groups requires more than recognizing harmful behaviors—it demands an awareness of how people become enmeshed in such systems and what it takes to leave them. Different scholars and researchers offer valuable perspectives that can help us witness seekers with greater insight and care.

Steven Hassan’s BITE Model describes how high-control groups shape members' lives by manipulating Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotions. These groups regulate daily activities, restrict access to outside perspectives, reshape thought patterns, and use guilt or fear to enforce compliance. Many who leave such groups struggle to reclaim autonomy because their decision-making processes were deeply controlled. For a spiritual companion, this means recognizing that their struggle is not simply about belief—it is about re-learning how to trust their own perceptions and choices.

Janja Lalich expands on this with her Bounded Choice Model, which explains why members of high-demand groups often seem unable to see alternatives. Rather than making free choices, they exist within a framework shaped by charismatic leadership, an absolute belief system, rigid control mechanisms, and reinforcing social structures. This model helps us understand why seekers may continue defending harmful systems even when faced with evidence of abuse. Instead of challenging them directly, companions can invite reflection by gently exploring where their sense of agency feels constrained and where they might rediscover personal freedom.

Language itself plays a powerful role in shaping belief, as Amanda Montell’s research in Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism highlights. High-control groups create insular worlds through specialized terminology that fosters identity, belonging, and loyalty while making it difficult for members to think outside the group’s framework. When accompanying someone leaving such a group, paying attention to the words they use can be revealing. Do they still describe their past experiences in the group’s language? Do those words carry shame or obligation? Helping them redefine their own spiritual vocabulary can be a profound step toward healing.

Yet, even when someone recognizes harm, simply presenting them with facts is rarely enough to shift their perspective. George Lakoff’s research on cognitive framing reminds us that people don’t adopt new beliefs just because they are given better information; they need new narratives that help them make sense of their experiences. For spiritual companions, this means offering alternative frameworks rather than simply dismantling old ones. Instead of telling someone their former community was a cult, we might ask, “How did that group shape your understanding of belonging? What parts of that still feel true to you?” By helping seekers name their own evolving truths, we empower them to reclaim their story on their own terms.

Each of these perspectives deepens our understanding of high-control groups—not just as oppressive systems, but as places where people seek meaning, purpose, and connection. As spiritual companions, our role is not to pull people out by force but to journey with them as they untangle their own journeys, always affirming their agency, their wholeness, and their capacity for transformation.

Conspiracy Movements and High-Control Dynamics

Conspiracy theory groups share many characteristics with high-control groups. They often create insular belief systems reinforced by fear, secrecy, and distrust of outsiders. Scholars like Michael Barkun describe how these movements foster “stigmatized knowledge”—claims that feel more credible precisely because mainstream sources reject them. Like cults, conspiracy movements offer belonging and certainty, making it difficult for members to question the narrative. Spiritual companions can support those disengaging from these groups by offering nonjudgmental presence and encouraging reflective questions: “What first drew you to this perspective?” or “How do you feel when you encounter conflicting information?” Creating space for curiosity, rather than debate, allows seekers to reengage their critical thinking and personal agency.

Monet, Lilies, altered by me

Witnessing Those Who Are Leaving

When someone begins questioning a high-control group—whether a religious sect, a multi-level marketing scheme, or a toxic workplace—leaving isn’t as simple as saying no. The psychological, emotional, and social ties run deep, and those leaving often face fear, shame, and the loss of community. As companions, we can support people through this transition with understanding, patience, and respect for their agency.

1. Affirm Their Reality

High-control groups distort reality, making members doubt their perceptions. A simple “That sounds really hard” or “Your feelings make sense” can help someone regain trust in their own experience. For some, even considering a new perspective triggers deep anxiety or fear. Gentle presence, patience, and grounding practices can help. (See also this post about trauma-informed spiritual companioning.) Leaving can feel like losing a family. Even when people recognize harm, they may grieve the sense of purpose or belonging they once had.

2. Avoid Direct Confrontation

People don’t leave when they’re forced into a debate. Instead of attacking the group, ask gentle, open-ended questions:

• “How did you first get involved?”

• “What drew you to this community?”

• “Are there things that no longer feel right to you?”

These questions encourage reflection without triggering defensiveness.

3. Understand the Power of Language

Words carry weight. Many leaving high-control groups still think in the group’s terminology. Rather than dismissing those terms, help them explore their meaning:

• “What does that phrase mean to you now?”

• “Does that belief still feel true for you?”

Let them reframe their experiences on their own terms.

4. Provide Alternative Frameworks

Lakoff’s research reminds us that dismantling an old belief system isn’t enough—people need new ways to think about their experiences. People often need time to sit with their questions before accepting new perspectives. Offering possibilities rather than conclusions allows them to process in their own way.

• “Some people see that as manipulation instead of faith—what do you think?”

• “There are other ways to find belonging and purpose. Would you like to explore them?”

5. Respect Their Autonomy

Leaving is a process, not an event. Some people need time to process before cutting ties. Others may never fully leave. Even partial disengagement can be meaningful and spiritual companions can support people wherever they are in their journey. Our role isn’t to push them but to offer steady, nonjudgmental support. Some may feel lost without the certainty their former group provided. Others may fear exploring new spiritual paths. Simply listening and affirming their questions can help them reclaim agency in their own spiritual journey.

Witnessing Those Who Are Joining or In a Hate Group

Our role is not to judge. People join these groups for many reasons—seeking purpose, belonging, or certainty. Supporting individuals involved in hate groups presents unique challenges for spiritual companions. The following approaches may assist in guiding such individuals toward transformation:

1. Emphasize Personal Connection and Empathy

Building a trusting relationship is foundational. Teresa Blythe, a spiritual director, discusses the importance of guiding individuals consumed by hate toward a spirituality rooted in love. She highlights that those harboring hatred seldom seek spiritual direction on their own, underscoring the need for proactive engagement.

2. Understand the Psychological Underpinnings

Recognizing the psychological aspects of hate group involvement is crucial. Hate groups often provide members with a sense of identity, belonging, and purpose. Unraveling these elements takes time and care.

3. Seek Support from Specialized Organizations

Collaborating with organizations experienced in countering hate and extremism can be invaluable. The Southern Poverty Law Center offers resources for those looking to exit extremist movements, which can support spiritual directors in their efforts.

Examples

Angela King and Christian Picciolini both work for the nonprofit organization “Life After Hate.”  After spending two decades involved in white supremacist organizations, Angela King underwent a profound change. Christian Picciolini was deeply entrenched in the neo-Nazi movement for eight years. A pivotal moment of empathy led him to question his beliefs, ultimately leading him to co-found Life After Hate, where he assists others in disengaging from extremist ideologies. 

The Journey Forward

Boundaries for Spiritual Companions: Working with individuals leaving high-control groups or hate movements can be emotionally demanding. Care for yourself, both through spiritual practice, and participating in supervision.

Communal Healing & Support Networks: When people leave these groups, they often need to build new communities. You don’t have to be (and should not be) their only support. Ask about their “squad” or support network. Gently support them in finding healthier spaces of belonging.

Unlike deprogrammers or activists, spiritual companions are not there to debate or “rescue” someone but to create space for transformation. Our role is to support and honor agency. Leaving a high-control group is disorienting. Former members may grieve lost relationships, struggle with identity, or fear retaliation. A compassionate companion offers a steady presence, reminding them they are not alone, that they have the capacity to think for themselves, and that a rich, meaningful life awaits them beyond the group’s control.

Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy.

—Rev. Amy

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Further Reading

Books

Amanda Montell, Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism – Explores how cults use language to manipulate and control. https://www.amandamontell.com/cultish

Steven Hassan, Combating Cult Mind Control – Describes the BITE Model, which explains how groups manipulate members through Behavior, Information, Thought, and Emotional control, regulating daily life, limiting access to outside perspectives, reshaping thought patterns, and using guilt or fear to keep people compliant. https://freedomofmind.com/bite-model

Janja Lalich, Bounded Choice: True Believers and Charismatic Cults – Introduces the Bounded Choice Model, explaining how members’ choices become constrained within the group’s framework under the influence of charismatic leadership, an absolute belief system, control mechanisms, and reinforcing social structures.

George Lakoff, Don’t Think of an Elephant! – Explores how people don’t simply adopt new perspectives because they’re presented with facts; they need new narratives and frameworks to make sense of their experiences.

Michael Barkun, A Culture of Conspiracy: Apocalyptic Visions in Contemporary America – Examines how conspiracy beliefs shape identity and worldview. https://www.ucpress.edu/book/9780520276826/a-culture-of-conspiracy

Kathryn Olmsted, Real Enemies: Conspiracy Theories and American Democracy – Explores the psychological and social factors behind conspiracy movements. https://global.oup.com/academic/product/real-enemies-9780190908560

Articles, Talks, and Other Resources

Daryl Davis on Engaging KKK Members – Documentary and TED Talk on how dialogue can shift extremist beliefs.

• Accidental Courtesy: Daryl Davis, Race & America: https://www.pbs.org/independentlens/documentaries/accidental-courtesy
• TED Talk: https://www.ted.com/talks/daryl_davis_why_i_as_a_black_man_attend_kkk_rallies

Monica Roberts – Building Understanding Through Trans Advocacy

• TransGriot Blog: https://transgriot.blogspot.com/
• Wikipedia Entry on Monica Roberts: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monica_Roberts

Raquel Willis – Changing Minds Through Personal Engagement

• Official Instagram (for writings and advocacy updates): https://www.instagram.com/raquel_willis/
• RaquelWillis’s Work at Ms. Magazine: https://msmagazine.com/author/raquelwillis

Signs You Might Be in a Corporate Cult – https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/businessreview/2024/06/05/five-signs-you-might-be-in-a-corporate-cult/

Conspirituality: Blog series on modern cults, especially those with the veneer of new age or wellness spirituality. https://www.conspirituality.net/