Holding the Hour: Structuring a Session in Spiritual Tending

Holding the Hour: Structuring a Session in Spiritual Tending

What actually happens during a session of spiritual direction or companionship? The honest answer is: it depends.

There are rich traditions—especially within Catholic and Ignatian models—that offer formal structures for direction sessions. But those models are not the only way. And while some explorers may arrive ready to talk for an hour, others need silence, art, a focused question, or a shared listening for the Sacred.

This post offers flexible ways to structure a session—not to script it, but to hold it. Think of these as tools in a basket or items on a menu: not every session will use them all, and not every seeker will need the same shape each time. The goal is not to be helpful, but to be present. The structure is not about performance—it’s about hospitality.

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Begin with Hospitality and Consent

Every session begins with welcome—through a warm space, gentle tone, or clear boundaries. But beyond the outer welcome, there is a deeper one: an invitation into shared discernment.

Questions like:

“Would it serve you to begin with silence today, or to talk a bit?”

• “Is there anything you’re hoping for in our time together?”
• “Would you like to begin with a grounding practice or go straight into reflection?”

This is where consent-based practice lives—not only in logistics (like touch, time, and confidentiality), but in relational flow. Your presence invites—not insists.

Possible Structures for a Session (Pick One or Combine)

Think of each of these as a possible rhythm for a 50-, 60-, or 90-minute session. Each has its own gifts. You might find one becomes your “home base”—but it’s always possible to adapt or blend.

Agenda by Nick Youngson CC BY-SA 3.0 

1. The Open Conversation Structure

Begin with silence or grounding

• Ask an open-ended check-in: “What’s alive for you spiritually right now?”
• Follow the seeker’s lead—listen deeply, reflect back, ask evocative questions
• End with silence, a blessing, or an invitation to continue reflection

Best for: Seekers who process through dialogue and reflection

Watch for: Temptation to “solve” or over-interpret

2. The Practice-Based Structure

Begin with consent around a focus: e.g., lectio divina, journaling, guided imagery

• Move into the practice, with the seeker choosing pace and depth
• Allow time for shared reflection
• End with integration or stillness

Best for: Seekers who want experiential exploration

Watch for: Pushing through discomfort rather than pausing for consent

3. The Silence-Honoring Structure

Begin with a simple prompt or shared intention

• Hold shared silence (10–45+ minutes)
• Invite optional reflection or journaling
• End with spacious check-out: “What would you like to take with you from this time?”

Best for: Seekers familiar with contemplation, or seeking rest and mystery

Watch for: Companion imposter syndrome—remember, you’re not being paid to do, but to be with

4. The Three Movements Structure

 (adapted from many traditions)

• Remembering: “Where has the Sacred met you since we last spoke?”
• Receiving: Listen to what’s emerging now
• Responding: “What is yours to carry forward?”

Best for: Seekers who like rhythm and continuity

Watch for: Treating the structure as a checklist instead of a flow

5. The Discernment Structure

Begin with prayer or grounding

• Explore a question the seeker is holding (big or small)
• Use discernment tools (e.g., body awareness, values clarification, spiritual autobiography)
• End with integration: “What feels clear—or unclear—for now?”

Best for: Seekers in transition or facing choices

Watch for: Rushing toward clarity or feeling responsible for “answers”

What About Imposter Syndrome?

Many new companions wrestle with this question: Why would someone pay me to sit in silence with them?

Here’s the truth: your presence is the container. Your attunement, your trust in the Sacred, your willingness to wait—these are gifts that many seekers don’t have in their daily lives. Spiritual companionship is not therapy. It’s not coaching. It’s not fixing. It is deep, non-intrusive, sacred witnessing.

When you co-hold space for journaling, silence, or art, you’re affirming that their direct experience of the Sacred matters more than your advice. That’s profound.

Choosing Your Default—and Letting It Shift

You may find yourself drawn to one of these rhythms as your “default.” That’s good. Let it be your home—but don’t confuse it with the only path.

Discern session by session:

• What would most serve the seeker’s relationship with their sacred?
• Is a shift needed today—more structure, or less? More silence, or more interaction?

Let your care be shaped not by how to help, but by how to honor.

Try It

Create your own session menu. Name 2–3 session shapes you’re drawn to.

• Which feels most like “home”?
• Which feels risky but potentially fruitful?
• Which one might serve a very different kind of seeker?

Keep this menu nearby when preparing for a session, especially with a new explorer. You’re not planning their experience—you’re preparing your capacity to meet them.

Beloved, you are whole, holy, and worthy,

Rev. Amy

See also these posts

• Spiritual Direction for People with a Variety of Brain Types – Includes ways to shape sessions for non-verbal, sensory-focused, or neurodiverse seekers. https://abeltaine.blogspot.com/2025/04/spiritual-direction-and-variety-of.html

For Further Exploration

• Barry, William A. & Connolly, William J. The Practice of Spiritual Direction – A classic in Catholic spiritual direction, including session structure and theological grounding. https://www.paulistpress.com/Products/4450-7/the-practice-of-spiritual-direction.aspx

• Valters Paintner, Christine. Spiritual Direction and the Creative Life – Encourages expressive forms of spiritual tending, including silence, art, and poetry. https://abbeyofthearts.com

• Dougherty, Rose Mary. Group Spiritual Direction – Offers insight into holding flexible, holy space in group and one-on-one settings. https://www.churchpublishing.org/groupspiritualdirection

This Heart of Spiritual Direction series is ©2025 Amy Beltaine, all rights reserved. You may freely reprint any blog post, website, or print resource. Simply include the following attribution, and if you print online, make the link at the end live:

Article ©2025 Amy Beltaine, all rights reserved. Reprinted with permission. This article and hundreds of others, along with other free resources are available at http://www.AmyBeltaine.info