Coming Out as a Person with Cancer

There's this great photo. Three roller coaster cars. In the first one the two women have their hands in the air, their skirts are flying and their faces are full of joy. The second car is a little more demure. One hand is in the air, the other is holding onto the purse. The third car contains two women who are NOT having fun. They frantically hold tight to everything and their faces show not one small bit of joy.
I keep seeing that picture. For me the roller coaster was named "Cancer."
Yep. This Spring didn't go as planned. December 19th at a routine exam the doctor spotted something that wasn't right. I got my biopsy results on the 26th while visiting Mom in Arizona. Surgery was January 28th. Now, it is April and I've completed three of the five weeks of combined chemotherapy and radiation. Yep, the big C.
It was cervical cancer. They got it all with the surgery. AND they are making sure. If there is just one sneaky little cell that got away we are going to be way more aggressive than it.
I'm a lucky one. I know why I got it: Mom was given DES to assist with her pregnancy with me. This is known to increase chances of cervical cancer in "DES Daughters". I only need a month of treatment and then I get to graduate from "cancer college" with the ritual celebration and a bright, healthy future.
I'm also learning to think of myself differently. Now I'm many things and those things include "Cancer survivor" and "DES Daughter".
I was reluctant to come out as someone with cancer. This was private and personal information. It involved me admitting that I am not in control. It required humility and surrender. It required that I trust people to handle the information responsibly.  So I waited. I waited until I had come to some terms with my new identities myself.
This week I'm frustrated, and sick, and wishing I was done with the "cure." The cruel irony of this treatment is that I felt absolutely fine, and the treatment is making me feel sick.
Most of the time, though, I feel grateful. I'm grateful that it was caught in time. I'm grateful that I live near a cancer center where they have the expertise to make sure I'm cured. I'm abjectly, profoundly, grateful that the Affordable Care Act went into effect and when my insurance ended on December 30th I had insurance available to me. I'm grateful that I have loving competent people who surround me with care and support.
I'm even beginning to be grateful that I've received the gift of experiencing this, all of this. I'm learning about surrender. I'm learning that my mental acuity and productivity are NOT the most important parts of myself. I'm learning about the journey that we all take, that is if we are lucky, into periods of ill health and challenge and making it through, day by day.
Nope. Things didn't go as planned this Spring. So I'm riding the cancer roller coaster. Sometimes it is really scary, but I've found that if I stop trying to tie everything down and hold on tight, its a little easier.