Crises, Coups, and Compassion: How to Respond Without Collapsing

Circles of Compassion: How to Respond Without Collapsing

When crisis strikes—whether personal, political, or global—it’s natural to feel overwhelmed. You might find yourself swinging between despair, rage, and exhaustion, or struggling with feelings of helplessness. But not everyone experiences crisis in the same way. Some are at the very center of the storm, while others are further out, affected but not in immediate danger.

This is where Ring Theory, also called Circles of Compassion, becomes an essential tool for understanding how to respond in a way that is both compassionate and effective. The basic principle? Support flows inward, and processing happens outward. Those closest to the crisis receive care, while those further out provide it.

Ring Theory, Susan Sylvia 

Where Are You in the Rings?

At the center of the rings are those most directly impacted: those experiencing personal crisis (serious illness, job loss), those facing systemic oppression (BIPOC, disabled, gender-nonconforming, non-citizens), and those whose very survival depends on fragile systems (Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security). If multiple descriptions apply to you or your immediate loved ones, you’re closer to the center. Fewer? You’re further out.

The closer to the center you are, the more you need support. The further out you are, the more you are called to offer support.

What This Means for You

1. If You Are at the Center: Protect your energy. Accept support. Seek spaces where you don’t have to educate or reassure others. Your job is to survive and heal, not to comfort those in outer rings.

2. If You Are in an Outer Ring: Privilege is a tool—wield it wisely. But that doesn’t mean collapsing under the weight of guilt or performative grief. Your task is to:

• Stay aware without being consumed. Understand the stakes without letting despair paralyze you.
• Channel your energy into action. Volunteer, donate, advocate, organize.
• Offer comfort inward, express frustration outward. Don’t unload your anxiety on those in the center—find peers in your ring or outer rings to process with.

Even with these guidelines, finding support can be difficult—especially if those you usually rely on are also struggling.

Image from Waking Waves

When It Feels Like Everyone Around You Is in the Middle

Sometimes, it may feel like everyone you usually turn to for support is also struggling in the center of the storm. When the people you rely on are just as overwhelmed, where can you go with your grief, rage, and exhaustion?

1. The Divine and the Sacred Are Always There – Whatever your understanding of the sacred, know that it can hold all that you bring. Rage, sorrow, despair—none of it is too much. Pour it out in prayer, ritual, writing, or simply in the silence of your heart.

2. Your Center Might Be Someone Else’s Outer Ring – Even when it feels like everyone is in the middle with you, there may be someone who has just enough distance to offer a steady presence. Can you find someone with the capacity to hold space for your pain, and in turn, offer them your witness when they need it? Compassion flows in many directions.

3. This Is One of the Gifts of Spiritual Companionship – A spiritual director, chaplain, or trusted guide can be a place to lay your burdens down. Their role isn’t to fix or advise but to be a compassionate witness to your journey. If you are carrying more than you can hold alone, seek someone who can walk alongside you.

You don’t have to carry it all by yourself. Compassion includes you, too.

Image by Lbeaumont CC4.0

When People Refuse to Acknowledge Harm

Not everyone is part of the circles of compassion. Some deny the crisis altogether—whether it’s claiming that oppression is exaggerated, that climate change isn’t real, or that cancer is a “mindset problem.” Others actively benefit from harm, believing that only certain people deserve care or resources. These individuals are not available to provide support, nor are they safe to turn to.

Engaging with them often leads to exhaustion rather than meaningful change. While some may eventually recognize that harm to others will eventually harm them—aging, illness, and systemic failures come for us all—that awakening may come too late for those suffering now.

You are not required to debate your own humanity or educate those who refuse to listen. Protecting your energy is not the same as giving up—it’s choosing to invest where change is possible.

Instead of wasting your energy trying to convince those who refuse to live in reality, focus on those who do. Direct your efforts toward care, advocacy, and action with those who are willing to be in the work. The circles of compassion are made up of people who recognize our shared humanity. Not everyone chooses to belong.

Moving from Awareness to Action

Instead of dwelling in despair or emotional burnout, focus on what you can do. The world needs those in outer rings to stay steady. If you’re not in immediate crisis, you have a responsibility: not to feel bad, but to be useful.

So, take stock:

• Where are you in the rings?
• What stress do you need to set down?
• How can you engage meaningfully without centering your own emotions?

Compassion isn’t about drowning in shared pain—it’s about responding wisely and effectively. Embrace your role, contribute in ways that make sense for you, and let that be enough.

Wherever you are in the circles of compassion, you need support and care. Reach out to a peer or a spiritual care provider. We need every one of us to survive, and thrive.

Beloved, you are whole holy and worthy,

Rev. Amy

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For Further Reading

Silvia, Susan. “How Not to Say the Wrong Thing.” Los Angeles Times, 2013. https://www.latimes.com/opinion/la-xpm-2013-apr-07-la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407-story.html The original article outlining Ring Theory, offering a clear explanation of how support should flow.

Brown, Brené. Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. Random House, 2021. Explores emotions and how to build meaningful, compassionate connections.

Nagoski, Emily, and Amelia Nagoski. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books, 2019. A science-backed guide to managing emotional exhaustion, especially for those in caregiving roles.

Haidt, Jonathan, and Greg Lukianoff. The Coddling of the American Mind. Penguin, 2018. While this book has sparked debate, its discussion on resilience and emotional processing may be useful in understanding how people respond to crises differently.

Parker Palmer. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation. Jossey-Bass, 1999. A gentle, deeply reflective work on living with integrity and navigating hard times without losing oneself.

Kaba, Mariame. We Do This ’Til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice. Haymarket Books, 2021. A powerful reflection on how to engage in justice work without burning out or becoming paralyzed by despair.

Menakem, Resmaa. My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies. Central Recovery Press, 2017. Explores how trauma affects both individuals and communities, offering practical tools for healing and collective care.

Thurman, Howard. The Inward Journey. Friends United Press, 2007. A contemplative work on the inner life, especially in times of crisis.

O’Donohue, John. To Bless the Space Between Us: A Book of Blessings. Doubleday, 2008. Poetic blessings for navigating grief, change, and uncertainty.