When memories insist on replaying, it is usually because there is a message there. The tape on eternal repeat in my mind is of a Dungeons and Dragons encounter many years ago.
Gnome illusionist, Orma Garee (that's me) and her intrepid companions are exploring a ruined Abbey. Gingerly carrying her torch across the rubble-filled room, Orma opens a door into what must once have been the sanctuary. Blinking in the sunlight streaming through the broken roof covered with vines, she notices a small group of people huddled together staring upward. Suddenly they start screaming as ugly bloated birds, giant mosquitoes really, come arrowing toward them. Stirges! Shudder! Orma slams the door closed. Time stops. Orma's goddess shimmers into being. The awesome Amberra. The angry goddess slams her staff into the ground and says, "Orma! You serve a deity of compassion. You claim an alignment of neutral good. Yet you went against your nature and your deity when you closed the door on those suffering people! You have lost my favor. I will not answer any calls for help, nor will you be able to channel divinity for your spells, until I know you have repented! DO BETTER!" and Kaboom! She disappears. End of memory.
Wouldn't it be helpful for us all if our deity appeared before us instantly the moment we broke covenant with them. Wouldn't it be nice to get a clear and direct memo when we broke faith, missed the mark, or strayed from "the path." There is something so appealing about that clarity! Unlike in the D&D world, in the real world I don't get to have one-on-one chats with my deity. My deity speaks to me, if you can call it that, through the wind in the trees, the events in my life, and the still small voice whispering within.
Photo used with permission by @OregonGirlRebecca
I spent some years jealous that other people had a straightforward language and image for a socially accepted God. As a Spiritual Director I have colleagues from many spiritual paths and many of them have personal conversations with the divine-within that they refer to as Jesus or God. That's where they go for insight when they have moral questions.
Now, I have made peace with the fact that my higher good speaks to me through less easily described means.
So what is the message of this persistent memory? I suspect that I know what my deity or higher power or greatest good or whatever I hold holy is asking of me. I must not shut the door on people who are in danger. But when I do, I have an opportunity to do better. We all have the opportunity to repent, to forgive ourselves and each other and to begin again. In the real, we are facing blood-sucking dangers: real dangers to real people.
If you did not vote in the last election: forgive yourself, and begin again. If you did not realize how pervasive racism was in our culture until you saw it unleashed and naked on TV: forgive yourself and begin again. If you are inclined to stopper your ears because it is hard to hear the pain and anger of those who who are experiencing a heightened sense of danger. Forgive yourself and begin again. If your heart has broken after learning about people who have been set on fire, beaten up, been attacked, or had their places of worship attacked... but you didn't reach out in any way: forgive yourself and begin again.
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I can hear the voice of my D&D deity in my mind. "Do better!" This is how the sacred speaks to me - poetry, imagery, story, and memory.
Message received.
In that D&D game I called for my companions to come help me. I opened the door again. Together, we defended the frightened people from the bloodsucking stirge. I was forgiven, and I began again. Let's all attend to the messages of our deities, and then work together to protect those who need to be protected. Let us fight off the death-dealing, blood-sucking stirges of our reality.
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