Marriage

I'm noticing some blurriness in the conversation about equal marriage. And I think choice of words may be a part of the problem.
First, we aren't talking about gay marriage or same-sex marriage. We are talking about equal marriage rights, equal protection under the law. When someone uses the term "gay marriage" I can't help but think how awkward and misleading that phrase is. We no longer use "interracial marriage" as a term and certainly wouldn't use the term "black marriage." And both of those situations were not protected under the law within our nation's past.
We are also not talking about legalizing marriages. We are talking about legal protections under state and federal laws for families created through marriage. When you go to city hall you don't get a license to get married, you get a license to obtain the protections and privileges for married people. (Yes, I realize that some municipalities still provide for the blood test, intending it to be a license to procreate, but that is becoming obsolete.)
People have been getting married without benefit of state sanction or state benefits for centuries. Slaves jumped the broom, Pagans tied the knot, Greek Orthodox were blessed by a priest. Straight couples who lived together for more than ten years were married by "common law." Jewish and Quaker marriages were acknowledged despite the fact that they did not use a license. And gay and lesbian couples were blessed by a UU minister, or their family and friends. Every one of these couples were married. They had a wedding. They became a family. But they also were without the privileges and protections from the state that are accorded to other wedded couples. Article 16 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights declares that "Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution. Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses."
I don't like the phrase "legal marriage." My marriage is not illegal. I was married, in a church, with my family and friends present, before all I hold sacred. It was not illegal. It was beautiful and real and my wife and I are now a happily married couple, and have been for eleven years. We do not enjoy the tax benefits, financial perks, and legal protections provided by law to other married couples, but that does not make our marriage or our wedding less beautiful, less meaningful, less binding, or less legal. (It wasn't until 1837 that the state (in England) had anything to say about a marriage.)
When I mention my wife, I often have well meaning, supportive, straight people respond to me with "Oh, I didn't know gay marriage was legal in New York." I'm at a loss for how to respond. Yes, I have a real marriage, not just a gay one. No, I don't have the benefits and protections that your marriage has and it is indeed a hardship for my family.
The lack of equal protection costs my family money. We are lucky that my wife's employer allows me to be covered by her health insurance, but because the United States extends special benefits to some married people, we have to pay the Federal Government at tax time for the benefit of my being covered on her health insurance.
When we travel we carry copies of our health care proxy and power of attorney forms with us. If one of us ended up in the hospital there is no guarantee that the hospital staff would respect those pieces of paper, but we would have a better chance than without them. This is a fear we carry with us that some married people simply do not need to worry about.
The list goes on.

I don't want gay marriage, I already have a wonderful, real, and meaningful marriage.
I don't want legal marriage, my marriage is not illegal.
I do want equal treatment under the law. The law needs to recognize my family and provide us with the same protections it provides to other married couples. This is the only right thing. And it needs to happen now.