Toll for the Old Year, Ring in the New

When is New Years?

Free to use, by Funnyexpo

It is an accident of history that we mark the change of the year on January 1 instead of in the Fall as most earth-relating cultures do. I resonated deeply with the many observances that fall in the Halloween season, but it is nice to make something meaningful of the New Year observances going on all around us.

Bells!

For the New Years Eve service at the UU congregation in Amado AZ I was asked to create a bell ceremony. So off I went, down the rabbit hole of bell meaning and lore. Bells are sounded to signal the beginning or end of class, an emergency, a wake-up call. In medieval days the town crier rang a bell for attention before reciting the news. Most congregations I visit use a bell to signal the beginning of the service and often a bell at the end of the service or after every period of silence. Some congregations use a Tibetan singing bowl. Some use a chime. Some a classic carillon-shaped bell.

Courtesy https://bevinbells.com/

About that classic bell shape: One writer suggests that in Christian tradition (or possibly pre-christian traditions) the empty dome of the bell represents the vault of heaven, its lip represents the horizon of the earth, and the clapper represents the power of word and voice while the emptiness within the dome represents all that is contained between the heaven and the earth. With this respect, the ringing of the bell represents a Divine message being created in the heaven and delivered to the earth in order to eliminate all evils.

Courtesy http://www.verdin.com

If you've ever lived near a Catholic church you know that the bells are ringing all the time. Every bell has a purpose and meaning. Every bell is ringing out a message about church teachings. The incarnation is celebrated by the Angelus bell which is rung at 6 pm. The bell is rung in a specific pattern. Traditionally a Hail Mary is said with the ringing of the bell. The form of the Angelus prayer was standardized by the 17th century — the triple stroke repeated three times, with a pause between each set of three (a total of nine strokes), sometimes followed by a longer peal.

(I've included the script, below, for the "toll out the old, ring in the new" ritual used at the Amado congregation Dec. 31, 2017.)

The Incarnation

The incarnation. The incarnation is the way that the divine manifests on earth. In Catholic tradition the focus is on Jesus the Christ and how God came to earth, in the person of Jesus, through the gift of Mary. Christian doctrine is that the church itself is the body of Christ. If Christ is god on earth, and the church is made up of those who are part of the congregations, then the people are the body of Christ… Not a big leap to the teaching of Unitarian Universalism – WE are the hands and feet of God. We are the heart and lungs, we are the eyeballs, throat, ears and even the Achilles’ tendon of god, all the parts, even the ones that are often overlooked, are parts of the divine body. The queer, disabled, rich, unhoused, immigrant, elder, type A, messy, imperfect folks are part of this body. We are how God acts on earth. Unitarian Universalism looks for the ways that we are manifesting divine love in our own living.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the bells tolling for the past and ringing in the future. We are the result of all that has gone before. Others have been building the body of divine love on earth. Others have been doing the work of justice. Others have been creating beauty and joy. Others have cared for the children cooked the meals and held back the forces of despair and destruction. As they pass out of this life, they pass on a legacy. Sacred compost. The cycle of life that gives nourishment.

Honoring the Ancestors

Miguel and his great grandmother in the Pixar movie “Coco”

I invite you to meditate on honoring the gifts of your ancestors. I invite you to identify an ancestor of blood, an ancestor of spirit from history, or an ancestor from fiction who you want to claim inspiration from. I struggled with one of my ancestors… Grandmother Warren - hard to love but gave determination.

I have created an ancestor altar at my home on the hearth. It has photos of my mom and grandparents, it has a hawk feather from the location where my ministers chapter usually meets, to remind me of past colleagues. It has a monk/spirit person candle holder to remind me of the Earth-relating, justice-seeking, spiritual torchbearers of the past. It has a small fuzzy cheetah figure in remembrance of my best friend.

What might you do to help you remember the gifts that have been passed down to you. The legacy that you carry on? Some people write a note and keep it in their wallet or hang some photos on their wall, some people play certain pieces of music or enjoy certain foods, some take up a craft, like knitting. What will you do?

Honoring the future

WE are the hands and feet of God. We are how God acts on earth. Look now for the ways that we are manifesting divine love in our own living.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the bells tolling for the past and ringing in the future. How have we been building the body of divine love on earth? How do we do the work of justice? How shall we create beauty and joy? How have we cared for the children cooked the meals and held back the forces of despair and destruction? What is your legacy already? Sacred compost.

This is your invitation to imagine what one action you will take - to honor and give gifts to your descendants. How will we use the gifts we have been given? What do you want this year’s enlivening compost to be? What will we offer in thanksgiving, that does honor to our ancestors and commitment to descendants. What action will you take. What is the thing that only you can do to make a difference, no matter how small? Pick one. You need to be able to come back to this one small thing tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow for all of 2018.

Ritual: Tolling out 2017

(Credit to Dana Topping of UUCGV, Amado who co-created this ritual.) On this last day of the year 2017 we wish to commemorate those who have passed away, to remember how their lives have touched ours, to feel compassion for how deep, yet how fragile our human bonds. Our ritual this morning will be to name those for remembrance followed by the tolling of a bell to carry our thoughts out to wherever souls congregate.

Women praying in front of the sacred bell.
Botatoung Paya. Yangon. Myanmar
Contributor: Pep Roig / Alamy Stock Photo

(1) The first remembrance is for prominent people. There are so many gone this year - I have chosen a few.

(names)

BLESSED BE THESE WE HOLD IN OUR HEART MEMORY. 3 BELLS

(2) Our second remembrance is for those in our congregation who have passed away this year:

(Names)

BLESSED BE THESE WE HOLD IN OUR HEART MEMORY. 3 BELLS

(3) Our third remembrance is for your friends and family and people important to you. Please call out these names that we all might hear and know them.

BLESSED BE THESE WE HOLD IN OUR HEART MEMORY. 3 BELLS

(4) Our fourth remembrance is for the multitude of people unknown by us, but known in their human circumstance of dying in natural disasters, political upheavals, wars, individual acts of violence, and self harm.

BLESSED BE THESE WE HOLD IN OUR HEART MEMORY. SUSTAINED BELL.

Prayer

ORIGINALLY FROM SANIOSAN-DEACTIVATED20160202

Please join me in the spirit of prayer, of heartfelt connection, and reflection. As the ancient sumerian myth goes, the goddess Erishkagel, queen of the underworld cried out in pain because she received all those who passed into the underworld. Oh my insides, she cried, Oh my outsides. Even Goddesses need empathy. Even the queen of the dead needs to know that we care. Our empathy can save the world. The losses are huge, the people and the planet cry out in pain. We can cry with them and our tears help to heal. Showing up to mourn, to remember, is still showing up. Let us show up for our beloved community.

Oh beloved of the world, who comes to us as compassion,

Community,

Hope

We honor you, we honor you, we honor you

We call on your name.

Amen

Blessed be

The Winter King and the America Myth

Self-Compassion Body Prayer

I'm a big fan of body prayers. I have several. This is one for self-compassion that I discovered from the musical group Libana. 

I will be gentle with myself, I will love myself

I am a child of the universe

Being born each moment.

by Libana

Here is Libana singing it.

The ASL that I use to interpret this song is:

Gentle, Love, Baby, Universe, Tree, Day

(Errata: I should have spread my fingers more for tree, and used one forfinger instead of the whole hand for day.)

Me Too, Truth, Reconciliation, and Survival

Me Too

Elissar / Creative Commons

I started seeing the #MeToo hashtag in social media in October. November contained revelation after revelation about abuse, harassment, and inappropriate behavior.

I kept remembering getting free of an abusive relationship (MANY years ago.) How hard it is! So much sympathy for those who are struggling. So much hope for you finding the person who is just as perfect for you... and who doesn't hurt you!

October was domestic violence awareness month. The #MeToo campaign swept through FaceBook and Twitter, with the complex dynamics about who wanted to and who should participate.

#MeToo invited people who move through the world perceived as feminine to indicate that they had been sexually harassed, attacked, molested, or otherwise subjected to the power-ploys of people turned bullies and our pervasive rape-culture.

As Dana Milbank put it succinctly in a recent Washington Post opinion piece: "sexual harassment and sexual predation are, at core, about the abuse of power. Not all bullies are sexual predators or sexual harassers. But most sexual harassers and predators are bullies."

Consent Culture

A nice cup of tea. By Laurel F from Seattle, WA (Tea)
 [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

We all have much work to do to transform our culture into a consent culture. Let's say it again: What is consent culture? "Consent culture is a culture in which asking for consent is normalized and condoned in popular culture. It is respecting the person's response even if it isn't the response you had hoped for..." (onlywithconsent.org/blog/consent-culture)

As a British video puts it... Consent culture is listening for the answer when you offer someone tea. If they say, "no" you don't serve it anyway. If they say "Maybe later" you don't insist. If they fall asleep you don't pour tea down their throat.

Transforming from rape-culture to consent-culture is happening in big ways as perpetrators are being exposed and called to account. It also needs to happen in small ways, in the daily interactions we have. Those of us indoctrinated as "nice women" need to undo that training, and stop passing it down! 

Fine, Just Fine

creative commons

How did I get into an abusive relationship? How did it happen that I thought it was OK to have my movements controlled and my friendships monitored? My mother is a strong woman and my father is a respectful man. I grew up surrounded by academics and small-business-people in a small college town in Oregon.

I do know it crept up on me as I made excuses, but I still can't completely answer those questions. I think the answer lies in the culture, not my particular story. We in the US of A have all been complicit with bullying or had moments of being bullies and we are all survivors of bullying, in varying degrees and ways.

As the Pagans say: As above, so below. The macrocosm is reflected in the microcosm. And as the feminists say: the personal is political. Our national identity and history is reflected in our family and community culture. As long as our economic system is capitalism... As long as our political system is rule of the rich and privileged disguised as Democracy, As long as our foreign policy is based on colonialism and exploitation, and our domestic history is founded on un-atoned for genocide and enslavement, we will be complicit in rape culture. (This is not to say that the USA is uniquely this way, just that I can only speak for my own context.)

The night I came to my senses and fled the relationship, began as a nice night together with friends. Later in the evening, when my partner was a little tipsy, it turned violent. I was bitten, scratched, thrown, and punched. I remember thinking to myself, in a dazed sort of way "Wow, that's why cartoonists draw stars and birds spinning around someone's head after they are hit in the head." A kind neighbor allowed me, barefoot and pajama-clad, to make a phone call. My partner sipped another vodka and orange crush and spat, "I'm fine, just fine" bitterly at the police officer and me while I packed a bag and left for a safe place. The hospital patched up my bites and bruises. The DA declined to prosecute because my injuries were not "gory enough." The Order of Protection was not terribly effective as I was stalked at bus stops, at work, and through the mail.

A mutual friend (Let's call them "Sam") cluelessly offered to "mediate our lover's spat." That failure to believe me is the moment that pains me the most to this day. Yes, my partner was damaged by a history of family violence, sexual abuse, and alcoholism - and participated in the rape culture we were enmeshed in. Yes, my partner was weak and wrong and trespassed against me in a heinous way. Yes, I needed to get away and keep myself safe. Yes, I had to work with a therapist who told me many times that I could have a relationship with all the joy and connection and WITHOUT the abuse. And, yes, I now have that relationship. But not to be believed, to have my experience minimized, for Sam to imagine that they had an ability, and a right, to try to bring an abused woman back to her abuser - that horrifies me to this day. Let us not enable!  (Here's a link to an interesting post about premature forgiveness, the blogger is an evangelical Christian who is working to stop domestic abuse and violence in the church - fascinating!) 

Truth, and Reconciliation

Source: Wikipedia Creative Commons

As revelation piled on revelation in the past months, my spouse and I kept saying to each other. 'DUH! of course!' Franken and Rose and nearly EVERY man socialized as an American (and probably almost every) man has had a moment when he lived out the demands of our dominant culture. Maybe it was only when drunk or high. Maybe it was only once. Maybe it was comparatively less egregious, (and if so, thank goodness for small favors) but are we surprised?

It takes ACTIVE WORK to NOT participate in the culture you are enmeshed in and trained to. Same goes for every one who lives within our racist, capitalist, sexist, able-ist (etc.) culture. There is no shame in occasionally being tired, or inattentive, or clueless. There's a difference between being a jerk and being a predator. Though both are something to be grieved and changed. There IS shame in not believing those who are harmed/oppressed, and not taking responsibility, apologizing, making amends, and working to make it not happen again. We are human, not monsters, nor angels. We FAIL. We must call each other to do better. We must individually and collectively commit to FAIL FORWARD.

We cannot create consent culture by simply punishing people we have identified as devils or bad people. Universalist theology, faith in the future, requires that we find new ways to move forward together. In that way we earn forgiveness and create our future. We need justice. We need compassionate justice. We need to know the truth and we need Restorative Justice.

Or Not

This detail scene, from the Papyrus of Hunefer
(c. 1275 BCE), shows the scribe Hunefer's heart being
weighed on the scale of Maat against the feather of truth,
 by the jackal-headed Anubis. The ibis-headed Thoth,
scribe of the gods, records the result. If his heart
equals exactly the weight of the feather, Hunefer
is allowed to pass into the afterlife. If not, he is eaten
by the waiting chimeric devouring creature Ammit
composed of the deadly crocodile, lion, and hippopotamus.
Vignettes such as these were a common illustration
 in Egyptian books of the dead. 

Sometimes we can separate those who cluelessly slip up now and then, and those who intentionally abuse, hurt and humiliate women (and men) as an expression of their power. I think the litmus for making that separation has to do with how they respond when faced with the harm they have caused. Are they able to take responsibility? To make amends? To take steps to make the world, and their behavior different?

There's also the dimension of how the IMPACT of an 'innocent wolf whistle' will be WAY out of proportion to the INTENT for a woman who has been terrorized, harassed, etc. Which is why our justice system, that depends on a jury of peers, instead of the victim themselves, to determine justice, is better than the alternative. I would not want, nor would I expect a survivor to emulate blind, compassionate justice.

When I found myself face-to-face with my abuser, 10 years later, I realized I personally was not ready to reconcile. I may never be. I hope that she has done her work. I hope that the relationships she has include consent and respect. It has been ten more years now. I hope that she has been held accountable and gone through the most important actions as a result of being an abuser: that she has found the ways she can make consent culture a reality in her sphere of influence. I am clear that my job was to do my work, not hers. I needed to begin learning how NOT to participate in rape culture. Sometimes I have been a bully. Sometimes I have participated as the victim. Often I am a survivor. Usually I am healing and growing. Always, I am failing forward in my own way.

Thankful for the Infinite that Holds Us

Small in the face of large things

So... It is a lot to hold... the hydrogen bomb in N. Korea that could maybe fit on a missile that would reach the US. The devastation of Harvey and the unrelenting hurricane season of 2017. The fires that ravaged Oregon, Montana, California. Earthquakes killing people and angry, frightened men with guns killing and traumatizing people. Worry about my aging dad who lives in Chile, so far away from me.

Earth, Air, Fire, Water... and broken Spirits. Elemental destruction and brokenness. We are small and the brokenness is immense.

None of these things are something I can do anything about. So I need to just hold them.

Taking Action

Composite: Alice Popkorn, Flickr CC

My allergies and the highly unpleasant reaction I had to the new allergy meds... They are things I can take action to address. But there are things somewhere in between... the daily damage of white supremacy culture and rape culture, writ large and small. The continued destruction of our earth... our lifeboat on this starry sea. These are things I can do my one small part about. (At the same time as I'm handling my own physical, mental, spiritual health and the well being of my near and dear.) It is a lot to hold.

I remember the family ritual... Thanksgiving day, Mom and we two daughters preparing a large meal. Dad's grad students, from countries I couldn't pronounce, bringing gifts of food and bright curious spirits. Dad, telling the American Thanksgiving Myth, with no nuance about colonization or white supremacy. And the lesson that I took from it: that Thanksgiving is for sharing harvest bounty with everyone and that Thanksgiving is a time to bring people who are different from you closer, to learn about one another and share family, food, and home. The myth wasn't what was important, the living out of gratitude and welcome was.

These days our religious movement provides us boxes, similar to the "March of Dimes" boxes of my childhood. These little cardboard boxes go home with members of the congregation and sit on our Thanksgiving tables where we are reminded of people who could use a little help. Neighbors close by and in other countries. We can't invite all these people to have Thanksgiving dinner with use, so we put money in these "Guest at Your Table" boxes and send it to the Social Justice office for our movement.

Guest at Your Table 2017

These acts of neighborliness are good, and not enough. We also need to go "upriver" to change the laws that that cause inequities, to change the social structures that allow angry, broken men to escalate from domestic violence and rape to mass shootings without intervention and help. We need to break down the insulation between those enjoying an opulent meal together and those who don't have enough to eat because the were thrown out of the house after they came out. We need to show up for the family that is caring for their neighbors even in the shadow of violence that has devastated them, and their ancestors, violence and inequity in the streets, from the authorities or the white supremacists.

Drawing on strength

It is hard to imagine doing all of these things: Mourning together, celebrating together, working together, getting out of our comfortable protected homes (or protective emotional shells), creating change, sharing our gifts, holding the weight of our shared heritage... Yet, we can do this, together.

So much gratitude that we have each other.

So much gratitude I can draw on the strength of divine love that will cherish me deeply while I cherish this life that is all around me.

May you breath in peace. May you breath out love. May we all be grateful for all that is our lives.

The Bounce - Voices of Resilience

The Bounce 

Why do many people and organizations crumble in the face of difficulty, while others use adversity to bounce back even stronger? The experience of bounce can range from an uncanny feeling of levitation to a supreme tranquil relaxation. It is precisely when all seems lost that the opportunity exists to rewire your brain. It's often during life's most difficult times that we discover our most critical hidden strengths and that we forge our most important capabilities.

We all go through desperately awful times. When we can transform those experiences we are stronger. You may have heard of "crisistunites" or "Another bleeping learning experience." These experiences can make us angry and afraid. We all have these moments. The question is what we choose to do with them.

Are you in such a time right now? You may be working too many hours for too little pay, feeling drained and exhausted or ineffectual and frustrated. You might be on the soul journey that the Goddess Persephone took, into the underworld. It may feel like the journey that Jesus took, losing everything and resting in the tomb. Or maybe your dearest wish is to retreat into the womb or your safe and cozy clay pot of a regulated life. You may be speaking truth to power, hoping to make the world a better place, and feeling shut down and helpless. You may be desperately clinging to your life vest as you hurtle over the waterfall, through the underground river, heading toward rebirth in the vast ocean. These are the feelings that EVERY hero in EVERY story has: hanging over a precipice or facing an un-climb-able mountain or seven impossible tasks.

Sunrise at Lake Tahoe
Photo by Clint Sharp

Or maybe you feel, like I felt during one memorable season of my life, 6 months which I wish i could forget: Like I was standing lonely on a hill and life was sneaking up on me hitting me with bad news, wacking me with a stick, again and again and again.

Here’s the good news, the journey continues on: you don’t have to stay in the tomb, you don’t have to desperately cling to that life-vest forever. The season of despair passes. You can emerge, like a chick, bruised, and battered from the shell. And when that change comes, we get a gift. We deserve that gift. The gift of transformation. We owe it to ourselves, and our loved ones, to wrest all the transformation we can out of the jaws of those difficult times. No matter how messy it is, we deserve the richness and deepening of transformation. We can rise like the sun.

Five Voices

-Victor Hugo: "Be like the bird who, pausing in her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing she hath wings."

- Attributed to Harriet Tubman : “if you hear the dogs, keep going. If you see the torches, keep going. If you hear them shouting, keep going. If you want a taste of freedom, keep going."

- bell hooks : “Contrary to what we may have been taught to think, unnecessary and unchosen

Mountain Bluebird Flickr Creative Commons

suffering wounds us but need not scar us for life. It does mark us. What we allow the mark of our suffering to become is in our own hands.”

- Howard Thurman : "I have never since lost sight of the far-flung mystery and redemption of the sacrament of pain. -- It is small wonder that so much is made in the Christian religion of the necessity of rebirths. There need not be only one single rebirth, but again and again a man may be reborn until at last there is nothing that remains between him and God."

Alice Walker:...”after the close of a magical marriage to an extraordinary man that ended in a less-than-magical divorce. I found myself unmoored, unmated, ungrounded in a way that challenged everything I'd ever thought about human relationships. Situated squarely in that terrifying paradise called freedom, precipitously out on so many emotional limbs, it was as if I had been born; and in fact I was being reborn as the woman I was to become."

Martin Luther King

Words from Coretta Scott King from the book "Standing in the Need of Prayer"

Martin Luther King, Photo credit Beacon Press

“Prayer was a wellspring of strength and inspiration during the Civil Rights Movement. Throughout the movement, we prayed for greater human understanding. We prayed for the safety of our compatriots in the freedom struggle. We prayed for victory in our nonviolent protests, for brotherhood and sisterhood among people of all races, for reconciliation and the fulfillment of the Beloved Community.

For my husband, Martin Luther King, Jr. prayer was a daily source of courage and strength that gave him the ability to carry on in even the darkest hours of our struggle.

I remember one very difficult day when he came home bone-weary from the stress that came with his leadership of the Montgomery Bus Boycott. In the middle of that night, he was awakened by a threatening and abusive phone call, one of many we received throughout the movement. On this particular occasion, however, Martin had had enough.

After the call, he got up from bed and made himself some coffee. He began to worry about his family, and all of the burdens that came with our movement weighed heavily on his soul. With his head in his hands, Martin bowed over the kitchen table and prayed aloud to God:

"Lord, I am taking a stand for what I believe is right. The people are looking to me for leadership, and if I stand before them without strength and courage, they will falter. I am at the end of my powers. I have nothing left. I have nothing left. I have come to the point where I can't face it alone."

Later he told me, "At that moment, I experienced the presence of the Divine as I had never experienced Him before. It seemed as though I could hear a voice saying: 'Stand up for righteousness; stand up for truth; and God will be at our side forever.'" When Martin stood up from the table, he was imbued with a new sense of confidence, and he was ready to face anything.”

Sing It

By Abbie Bettini, words from Victor Hugo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kEANteNY0h0

By Libana, words adapted from Victor Hugo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSvUafvUBvQ

Live It

courtesy wikimedia commons

"Every once in awhile as I'm swinging along on my trapeze bar of-the-moment I look out ahead of me into the distance and I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty and I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts I know that, for me to grow, I must release my grip on this present, well-known bar and move to the new one." - Danaan Parry

Guns, and terrorists, and harassment, Oh My!

A couple nights ago I watched a West Wing episode that addressed extremist Muslim terrorism and the tendency to blame all Muslims (one line from the show was "Extremist Muslim Terrorists are to Muslims as ___ is to the Christians." and the answer was "KKK".) (season 3 episode 3 I think) Tonight I am watching season 3 episode 6, about a church shooting and the gun debate. What is freaking me out is that WE'VE BEEN HAVING THESE CONVERSATIONS FOR YEARS AND THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED.

Is something changing? Not unless we take action! Here's some writings I found useful this week.

True Security

A colleague has a vision of what can be different, we can create true security:
https://baptistnews.com/article/looking-security-church-thats-got-us-mess/#.WgflcGiPI2z

Undoing the Doctrine...

Photo: Lynn Friedman, Creative Commons

A colleague, Reverend David Pyle, names one key source of pain and destruction that needs to be undone:

"I believe there is a "Doctrine of Original Sin" that is specifically about men. Call it the Doctrine of the Violent Man, for want of a better term. It is the belief that there is something inherently violent and abusive rooted at the core of maleness.

Of all the "Original" doctrines, I will admit this is probably the one there is the most evidence for. And some of the more ardent believers in this doctrine are violent and abusive men themselves, because of how it allows them to evade responsibility for their violent and abusive actions. And for the billions of people in history who have been subjected to violence and abuse at the hands of men, it is a rational extrapolation from personal experience.

I almost said "lived" personal experience, but that would be inaccurate. Too often people do not live through those experiences.

And yes, there are violent and abusive people who are not men, that is true... and does not affect the functioning of the Doctrine of the Violent Man in all of human society.

Photo: David Maiolo, Creative Commons

This Doctrine (this widely accepted and societally enforced belief about the nature of things) has many effects. I named one of them above, the belief by some men that it excuses violent and abusive behavior, because it is simply their nature. When combined with white supremacy it leads to profound excusal of white male violence while also creating deep fear of any black male as dangerously violent.

It leads to the belief that State Power must primarily rely on violence to maintain its power and authority, with expressions from offensive military power to a coercive incarceration based legal system.

It leads to "strength" being defined as capacity for violence. It leads to diplomacy that is based in coercion. It leads to young boys being celebrated for displaying capacity for violence, and humiliated for showing anything else.

Because, at its core, the Doctrine of the Violent Man says that men cannot help but be violent, because it is an inherent part of their being. It says to men who are violent and abusive that they cannot help being what they are. And so some revel in it, believing that violence and abuse makes them more of a man. To others, it centers them in their violence when they are feeling powerless or afraid.

And to those who are less naturally inclined to violence, the Doctrine of the Violent Man says that they are not really men. That they are something other than male.

The effect of this Doctrine on what it means to be a man is profound. It goes to the core of personal and societal assumptions about maleness. I am aware that I write this from a position of privelege... that of the male who "proved" his capacity for violence (through a state-approved means), and now restrains that violence and practices peace. But even this conception of male identity, celebrated though it is, has violence at its core.

The Doctrine of the Violent Man requires that almost every conception of male identity be measured by the relationship to and capacity for violence. It is a doctrine for which there is a lot of evidence, in society and even in my own heart. The reality of male violence will not change until we have deconstructed the doctrine that upholds it."

What about you? Why do you Protest?

A colleague, Rev. Jeremy Rutledge, asks the following question:

"People often ask me why I protest. And I want to say, I don't know, because I have a conscience, because I have a kid, because I have a sweetheart, because I have a church, because I have examples, because I have love, because I am half woke, because I am not a cynic, because I believe that my life is about more than myself, because I buy what Jesus said about the greatest commandment and the second like unto it, and because I was raised by Hawaiʻians who taught me aloha. I mean, these are the first reasons that come to mind.

What about you? Why do you protest?"

Ancestors' Voice

“Samhain Blessing”

"colorwarp2-060207" by Ruth Temple

finally, the wheel turns and brings us to the darkness
and as we pause to remember the beloved dead
and honor the darkness,

let each of us know that to praise the ancestors,
known and unknown,
is to know that we have never been alone.
that we have not cried, loved, birthed or died alone,
they have been with us.

and each time we move forward,
we carry great sorrow for our losses,
sorrow that is a measure of their love,
into the known and the unknown future.

and so on this day, the past and the future

come together.

woven by the strands of love

https://www.flickr.com/photos/mararie/6714888571/

and devotion.
weaving a never-ending web
that holds and supports us.

tonight, as the darkness waits for us to reach out
and touch this interconnected web,
may each of us be blessed by our journey into the cauldron of transformation,
the place of all possibilities.
the womb and the heart of Gaia....

blessings of all we hold holy,
and of the sacred darkness upon us all.

by bhakti andrea (adapted)

Falling Leaves

My best friend died when she was 39. We knew it was coming. I made the trip from New York to Oregon several times after her diagnosis. The call came, "She may not last the week." I flew again. Sitting on the plane, staring down at the colorful hillsides covered with autumn leaves, I thought about mortality. Each leaf, falling from the tree was dying, and yet it nourishes the tree it fell from. Contemplating the leaves gave me some comfort, but it didn't fill the hole in my heart.

A few years later, my niece’s grandfather died suddenly. Without the preparation that aging or illness usually gives us, our family fumbled to cope. How could we help my niece understand death when we ourselves were at a loss? my sister and I (who share similar beliefs) struggled to find a way to communicate to a child, ideas formulated as adults. Suddenly my “back to the earth” imagery seemed cold and intellectual. We were unprepared to let go of Sierra’s grandpa. The idea that he could smile down on us from above was very appealing.

Rogue River (creative commons)

How do you explain that at one moment Grandpa was fly fishing on the Rogue river on a sunny beautiful day and in the next few moments his body lay motionless, near where the river flows into the sea. Each life is a wave on the sea. The wave has form, purpose, identity, but while it is powerful and deep, it is rushing toward shore. At the shore the wave breaks, the life ends, and what we once knew as a wave becomes, once again, part of the ocean. I’ve always related to a “fertilizer” aspect of death, but as we gathered as a family, I turned my attention to the effect our lost loved one had on the world. Each wave has brought sand and treasures from the sea, onto the shore. Every life changes the world. Every person makes a difference by being who they are, by singing their own song. Their memory, their works, the people who loved them: That is the afterlife. That is the way that a person can live on.

Personally I very much like the idea of becoming one with my divinity, for that is how I view the earth, the planet is both sacred and divine. The broccoli I had for dinner is a part of me, I have recycled dinosaur cells in me, more than that, I have stardust in me. Who knows what I will become! [wait for it… Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!] Knowing that we become flower food can be comforting, but it doesn’t make it easy.

How do we live with death and loss? Ironically, What we need is love. The very love that makes loss painful is also the way forward. Without love, there is no loss. We feel this when we lose a family member or friend, but even when strangers die: public figures, faceless thousands in a tragic event, or war, the love of our fellow human beings shocks us as we are reminded of our own mortality.

George Elliot wrote

Photo: Michael J. Bennett (Own work)

Photo courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons, Photo User HORIZON

they ...

join the choir invisible

Of those immortal dead who live again
  In minds made better by their presence: live
    In pulses stirr’d to generosity,
In deeds of daring rectitude, in scorn
  For miserable aims that end with self,
    In thoughts sublime that pierce the night like stars,
And with their mild persistence urge man’s search
To vaster issues.

So to live is heaven:
To make undying music in the world...

My mom died when she was 72, while the trees were just starting to leaf out, leaning into rebirth. As I look over the photos and writings from the months she was on hospice, I am reminded of my despair and loss. I am also reminded of the community doing ritual together, and the gifts of awe and wonder she gave within the process of her death. Gazing at the photos and mementos on my special shelf remind me of her many gifts. The song she sang with her life and her death continues to enrich my life. Each ancestor’s life, AND their death, created not just memories, but joy and sadness, love and wonder. Like the leaves giving life to the forest, each ancestor has given new life.

Leaf Walk

Take a walk today. Notice a leaf or two along the way, and reflect on an ancestor or loved one who has joined the "choir invisible." Perhaps this leaf is one to bring back to your altar at home.

"Breaths", by Sweet Honey in the Rock

--- Rev. Amy offered an "Ancestors' Voice" service to the Saltwater UU Congregation in DesMoines, WA October 29th. Next week: "Sixth Source: Earth Mystic Insights" at Westside UU in Seattle.

Worship Services: Top Ten Practices

Touring and Learning

I tour, preaching at congregations throughout the US, mostly West of the Rockies. In my touring I've run into some elements of worship that work so well that I've remembered them and try to offer them to other congregations. Below is a list of worship elements that I admire.

The author with her tiny home,
visiting the Sepulveda UU congregation

The worship service that works for me is all of a piece, with the hymns, performed music, readings, time for all ages, etc. all serving one message or theme for the service. Sometimes I think of the service as a necklace. I have many hand-made necklaces from my mom and sister. In shops I observed them carefully selecting different beads and baubles that worked together, each one adding to the overall look of the necklace. A religious service is made up of pieces that need to work together in the same way. Each one can be unique, but they all need to serve the main idea.

Ten Excellent Ideas

In no particular order, here are ten ideas I treasure for religious services:

Children's book by author's mother

1) A "time for all ages" that isn't just a story. It is an interactive time that is specifically introducing the message of the day. It must be explicitly is relatable to all ages. Puppets, Q and A, acting it out, illustrations on a slideshow, inviting sound effects or participation from the whole congregation, rhythm play, and pretty much anything beyond a simple story are good. (OK, sometimes it can be a story but never simply reading from a storybook!) (Credit to my Religious Exploration colleagues in the Pacific NW)

2) Joys and Sorrows, not joys and concerns, followed by pastoral SONG and PRAYER. Including a pastoral song and a prayer drive home that this is sharing deep personal milestones in religious community. It is not speaker's bureau/group therapy/political soapbox... When a particular event is on everyone's minds (like "back to school" when doing joys and sorrows with kids at that time of year, or "the tragic shooting in Las Vegas" recently) it works well to begin joys and sorrows by naming that one thing. I make notes on the themes in the spoken joys and sorrows so that I can name them in the prayer afterward. I've borrowed from Reverend Dana Worsnop the phrases "We hold tenderly..." and "We hold joyfully..." to preface those references. In my Pagan and earth-relating practice the joys and sorrows portion of our time together usually is after the main working, after the central ritual. I'm curious how many congregations have done that? Have you put Joys and Sorrows after the sermon? How does it work for you?

3) MUSIC/Singing!!! I often sing the call to worship. A service will include a song of gathering (opening hymn), singing the young people out, a pastoral song, and a song of blessing (closing hymn). A pianist who is able to add gentle piano under joys and sorrows or a prayer, or particular reading is a gift. Including the ASL interpretation with the songs makes it a whole body experience that is accessible for more people. Singing together before the service... which helps with starting on time! (Credit to the many music directors I've had the honor to co-create with, Mark, Tom, Bert, !)

4) Announcements/news of the community outside of worship (before or after). Some congregations project the announcements before and after the service on a self-running slideshow. One congregation had the slideshow of news running in the fellowship hall during refreshments and conversation after the service. (Credit to UUC Salem, OR)

Necklace beaded by Anne Warren Smith (author's mother)

5) Symmetry - call to worship and benediction frame the service beginning and end, both by the same person (usually the minister). Chalice lighting and extinguishing are led by the same person (usually the service associate). On a related note: One congregation explicitly clarified which elements of the liturgy belonged to "the people" and which to "the minister." I found that useful in thinking about the service as a whole. The Joys and Sorrows, offering, and chalice lighting/extinguishing belong to the people and are the domain of the service associate. The call, benediction, and sermon are the domain of the minister. (Credit to Pagan and Earth-relating communities and CUUPS for the finely honed sense of ritual.)

uua.org Tapestry of Faith images

6) Break up the wall of words. I often offer a sermon 'part 1' before the offertory (5 mins) and 'part 2' after the offertory (15 mins) Sometimes the sermon 'part 1' is a reading offered by lay folks. It can work very well to spread the sermon out across the whole service, by including 2-5 minute speaking before a hymn that illustrates the concept, or including a longer introduction to a reading or shared activity. Guided meditations, body prayers, singing fragments of song, silence, and ringing a bell all allow folks with different learning styles to connect to the message, and break up the deadening effect of a classic "20 minute sermon." (Gratitude to the congregations in Seattle, New Mexico, and Arizona for welcoming experimentation with this.)

7) Slideshow - when possible include graphics and prompts and words of hymns. No need to print paper. Hymnals are for the folks who can read music. (I personally prefer singing songs that don't require music skills to make them sound good and be fun to sing.) The slide show can give credit for readings, hymns, and performed music so you don't take up verbal space to share that information. (Credit to the UUs of Honolulu, HI)

By Louise Docker from Sydney, Australia
(My heart in your hands)
[CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)],
via Wikimedia Commons

8) Offering BEFORE the sermon. This isn't a service that gets paid for, it is an experience of community. Contributions should come from the experience of community, not from the judgement of the worth of the speaker's message. When introducing the offering however you do it, I appreciate saying "give and receive" to remind people that they, too, are the community that receives the offering... (Credit to First U of Ithaca, NY)

9) Include! Notice who is up front representing the congregation. When the service associate and minister are both middle-aged white women, then perhaps seek out a young man of color to offer the reading. Explicitly name various identities and backgrounds in the greeting and welcome, pastoral prayer, sermon. Use the microphone, use slides, create wheelchair cutouts in the seating area, create and label an area that is scent-free seating and a space where people with service animals can be seated so that those with allergies can choose their seats an appropriate distance away. Provide "activity packs" for bored children. Actively appreciate the baby noises from the pulpit to help normalize inclusion of all ages. (Credit to First UU of Salem, OR)

10) Blocking... Processing in and out, saying the benediction from the floor, being seated up behind the pulpit so the preacher can see the assembled community, greeting people after the service at a main door they exit through... All about paying attention to where our bodies are. This includes reducing the 'upping and downing' and the long trips from pew to pulpit for board greeter, service associate, guest speakers, congregants during joys and sorrows, etc. As a safety note... The minister, who is positioned to see all the exits and all the congregants, should have a cell phone handy so that if there is an emergency they can dial 911 or take appropriate action. (Credit to Reverend Hope and UUC of Central Nassau, NY)

11) And a bonus idea: Plan the service on a Google document. That way the music person, minister, service associate, RE director, and office person can all contribute and see exactly what is in the service all the way up to the day of. Any last minute responses to world events? Put the extra candle-lighting words in the script and everyone has them. Avoid sending the order of service back and forth. Get the music director involved in the theme EARLY so that music can be prepared that supports the overall message. (Credit to First Unitarian of Portland, OR)

These are all things I've experienced great success with at various congregations and I try to carry them with me to other congregations. But always, we all benefit from the advice of Rev. Barbara Wells Ten Hove: We practice "Sacred Flexibility" during our worship, because we know the divine mystery has much to teach us from our surprises as well as our well orchestrated moments.

Just for Fun 

Here's a public Facebook post from Matt Meyer along the same theme. (I love all of these!)
Matt Meyer

Everything I need to know about worship leading, I learned from Lady Gaga last night:

-Honor the ancestors: She called in the women who preceded and paved the way for her.

-Have good visuals and invest in a good sound system.

-Invite people to sing along and show them how to clap on 2 and 4.

-Incorporate different styles of music: this show was like an eclectic tour of American pop through the ages.

-Attentiveness to use of metaphor: "I want to ride your disco stick"

-Make your theology explicit: "Everyone belongs in the arms of the sacred"

-More rehearsal is always better: Every transition was as tight as could be.

-Allow for the element of surprise: As exemplified in costume changes and/or fireworks.

-Explicitly welcome multiple identities and represent them in your leadership.

-Take instrumental breaks.

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To book Reverend Amy at your congregation, religious gathering or civic group, contact by email at abeltaine@uuma.org or look at her schedule on http://listentoheartsong.info. You can also find more information about religious services on the website.

Time to Love

I Am Good?

There are those who would set fire to the world, We are in danger. There is only time to work slowly. There is no time not to love.* 

I am told of a group of people who do the most beautiful thing. Maybe, if we pass along the story, some other communities will start doing it! When someone does something hurtful and wrong, they take the person to the center of town, and the entire community comes and surrounds him or her. For two days they tell the person every good thing he or she has ever done. These people believe that every human being comes into the world as GOOD, each of us desiring safety, love, peace, happiness. Sometimes in the pursuit of these things people make mistakes. The community sees misdeeds as a cry for help. They band together for the sake of their fellow human to hold him or her up, to reconnect her with her true Nature, to remind him who he really is, until she fully remembers the truth: "I AM GOOD". 

There are those, who would set fire to the world. 

Ten years ago I thought I was fairly informed. I knew that I needed to try to live lightly on our overburdened earth and I knew that there are some nations, out there, where inhumanity had descended into atrocity. Since then corruption has been revealed in places I once thought were sacred, like the priesthood and boy scouts; I’ve seen the disintegration of our civic discourse; the fall of our economy; terrorism on our shores; the threat of nuclear war; War: unending, devastating, constant conflict in many countries, some started by my own government; a crumbling social safety net; a crumbling physical infrastructure. and terrifying global diseases… west nile, ebola, swine flu; not to mention erratic and dangerous weather which is only the beginning of global climate change... Feel like crawling under a pew and hiding? Like running screaming down the hill to find something to picket? I know!

Here we are, all together on a big ship—the earth ship. What’s the name of the ship? How about we name it the Titanic. We’re about to hit the iceberg. People who are in poorer, less powerful parts of the world—people in steerage—are going to go down with the ship. But so will all of us sooner or later. it’s going to be pretty hard to turn the ship before it hits the iceberg. 

Retreat is seductive. It is tantalizing to pretend that things aren’t as bad as they seem, or to become cynical and to give it all up as a lost cause. It is easy to point the finger of blame, to speak of evil and of emergency. To add your torch of anger to all the others. We will set fire to the world. Literally set fire to the world, if we surface all the fossil fuels that we have found so far and burn more than 20% of them. Not just cause global climate change, but create a real lake of fire, a real hell, right here on earth. Remember the pictures of the oil wells burning in Kuwait? The gulf of Mexico? Texas? … Coming to you, in your OWN back yard! 

Run Away! (There is no such thing as "away")

When I open my eyes to the statistics and data, when I open my ears to the groaning of the world, the cries of the children, I am overwhelmed again and again by painful emotions: Fear, Despair, Anger. Not fun emotions. I could retreat, but I’m learning that hiding is a lonely business, and it doesn’t work for long. I could yell and scream, but that just leads to a sore throat. The only way out is to go through… The way to turn the ship of planet earth around is through hearing, seeing, caring, acting… 

We are in danger 

Fear may overwhelm us, immobilize us. Anger may tempt us to take shortcuts, to demonize, to disregard. Exxon, Monsanto, Enron… when I hear those names I feel angry. I feel small and helpless. I sometimes feel like shaking my fist and hissing. My rational mind knows that booing when I hear a corporation’s name or hiding in my comfy house are not particularly helpful reactions. But, I need to forgive myself for my feelings. My feelings are about an urge to justice. The need for justice is a good thing. The challenge is choosing the right actions. 

Deep Breath

Oh beloved of the world, who comes to us as mercy, we honor you, we honor you, we honor you, we call on your name.

For all the tender loving hearts that are breaking. Whether your heart is pierced through for the climate chaos visiting devastation through fire, flood, earthquake, and hurricane. Whether your compassion is fatigued by witnessing hate and fear in politics and on the streets. Whether your resilience is tried by the small and large failures, losses, and pain in your community, friends, and family. We need each other. We need to lean on the spirit of life, divine love, luminous love light of the one, universe.

Oh great lover of the world who comes to us as compassion, we honor you, we honor you, we honor you, we call on your name.

We lift up and celebrate the joy and beauty in the world, the simple pleasures of good food eaten with loved ones, music, a rainbow, new babies, one mind turned toward peace, one pair of hands working for justice.

Oh beloved of the world, who comes to us as hope, we honor you, we honor you we honor you, we call on your name.

Amen, blessed be.

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More on http://amybeltaine.info  *Time to Love is a song written and performed by Charlie Murphy and Jamie Sieber, based on words written by Deena Metzger. The first paragraph, above, is the words to that song.